TO lifeforms of microscopic scale, water has the consistency and texture of sand – with countless billions of miniscule creatures burrowing though every single drop with no obvious purpose or plot. Pondering such matters with two friends as we fizzed away in a hot tub on the banks of Loch Eck, we concluded it was a blessing these wee beasties lacked the optic nerves to perceive three flabby Bermuda-shorted gods wreaking havoc upon their ecosystem.