Category Archives: Dating

‘Real love’ or false advertising? eHarmony sued by ACCC over ‘free dating’ offer

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Watchdog alleges US-based site misled consumers about pricing, renewal and duration of memberships

A popular online dating site has been accused by the consumer watchdog of entrapping singles by only showing them blurred photos of their matches and then locking them in a cycle of membership renewal.

The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission launched federal court action against the US-based eHarmony on Thursday, alleging it breached consumer law by making misleading statements about pricing, renewal and duration of memberships.

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Customer data used for unwanted romantic contact, UK poll shows

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Almost one in three people aged 18-34 have been messaged by staff after giving personal details to a business

Almost one in three people aged 18-34 have received unwanted romantic contact after giving their personal information to a business, a UK poll has shown.

The Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) has called for recipients of such texts to come forward to help the regulator gather evidence of the impact of this phenomenon.

The ICO has an online form for people who want to report an experience of unwanted contact.

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State-sponsored matchmaking app launched in China

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Service in Jiangxi uses data on single residents to build platform amid drive to boost marriage rate

For single people, dating fatigue is a universal phenomenon. Hours of swiping left can lead to despair at the potential matches in your area. One city in Jiangxi, a province in eastern China, reckons that it has come up with a solution for the lovelorn or love-weary: a state-sponsored matchmaking service.

Guixi, a city of about 640,000 people, has launched an app that uses data on single residents to build a matchmaking platform. The app is known as “Palm Guixi” and includes a platform for organising blind dates, according to China Youth Daily, a state-run newspaper.

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Dating app background and ID checks being considered in bid to fight abuse

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National roundtable mulls safety strategies as communications minister says ‘no one law is going to fix this issue’

Background checks and ID verification systems in dating apps are among the measures being considered as governments around the country grapple with how to keep people safe while they are looking for love online.

The strategies were discussed by ministers, victim-survivors, authorities and technology companies as part of national dating app roundtable talks in Sydney on Wednesday.

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In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732. In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123 and the domestic abuse helpline is 0808 2000 247. In the US, the suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 and the domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines can be found via www.befrienders.org

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Call for dating apps to require criminal checks as Australian government plans summit on safety

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Governments, peak bodies and advocates set to discuss security and verification polices next month

A criminologist has called for dating apps to introduce criminal history checks on users as the federal government is set to hold a summit into the security measures used by the platforms.

Dr Rachael Burgin, lecturer of criminology at Swinburne law school, said there was a clear need for dating apps to implement robust verification systems and criminal checks.

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Indonesia passes legislation banning sex outside marriage

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Rights groups say amended criminal code underscores shift towards fundamentalism

Indonesia’s parliament has overhauled the country’s criminal code to outlaw sex outside marriage and curtail free speech, in a dramatic setback to freedoms in the world’s third-largest democracy.

Passed with support from all political parties, the draconian legislation has shocked not only rights activists but also the country’s booming tourism sector, which relies on a stream of visitors to its tropical islands.

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Don’t swipe, write: Japanese city encourages daters to send love letters

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Matchmaking initiative in Miyazaki has brought together 17 couples, as Japan battles falling birthrate

Japan’s faltering campaign to raise its birthrate has gone analogue, with authorities in a southwestern city encouraging potential suitors to put pen to paper and wait patiently for a reply rather than simply swiping right.

The city of Miyazaki says hundreds of men and women have dabbled in old-fashioned letter writing since the matchmaking scheme was launched two years ago. While there have been no wedding bells, the programme has spawned 32 face-to-face meetings and brought together 17 couples.

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How we met: ‘She was giving out free footballs, and I thought she was really beautiful’

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Nick met Tess in Bordeaux while watching Wales in the Euros. But it was only when she made a dash to their airport to see him off that they shared their first kiss


In January 2016, Nick’s mother died. He had only been living in Bristol for six months when it happened. “It was difficult because I didn’t know many people,” he says. A week later, his girlfriend dumped him by text. “It was a really bad time. I’d relocated from my home town of Wrexham to be a theatre operations manager, but I was lonely,” he says.

He decided to cheer himself up with a trip to France to watch Euro 2016, so, that summer, he travelled to Bordeaux with a friend. “We weren’t able to get tickets, but the city had set up massive fan zones with huge screens for watching the games,” he says. “We were supporting Wales in their game against Slovakia.” All around, there were promotional stands giving out free merchandise. That’s when Nick spotted Tess, a French student who was working as a host at the event.

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My new lover takes my breath away. However, I feel a sense of dread. How do I stop this?

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It is hard to loosen the tentacles that dread wraps around the mind, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, the goal is to live on despite them

I am a 50-year-old queer woman, embarking on a new relationship after leaving my previous partner of eight years. My new lover is beautiful, smart, insightful, passionate and she actually takes my breath away. We have been dating for about three months. I like what we have and I am extremely fond of her. However, I find myself catastrophising our relationship.

I feel a sense of dread a lot of the time and suspect that there is a part of me that might be self-sabotaging us, based on the belief that she will eventually break my heart. I don’t know how to stop this. I just want to enjoy the relationship, instead of being constantly worried and jumping to the worst conclusions about our future.

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The relationship sabotage scale: quantifying why we undermine ourselves in love

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Developed over the course of five studies, the relationship sabotage scale is designed to give analytical rigour to a term more common in pop culture

Do you feel constantly criticised by your partner? Do you sometimes check their social media profiles? Will you admit to them if you know you’re wrong about something?

If you strongly agree or disagree with some of these statements, you might find yourself with a high score on the Relationship Sabotage Scale.

1. I get blamed unfairly for issues in my relationship.
2. I often feel misunderstood by my partner.
3. I constantly feel criticised by my partner.
4. My partner makes me feel a lesser person.
5. I get upset about how much time my partner spends with their friends.
6. I believe that to keep my partner safe I need to know where my partner is.
7. I often get jealous of my partner.
8. I sometimes check my partner’s social media profiles
9. When I notice that my partner is upset, I try to put myself in their shoes so I can understand where they are coming from.
10. I am open to finding solutions and working out issues in the relationship.
11. I will admit to my partner if I know I am wrong about something.
12. I am open to my partner telling me about things I should do to improve our relationship.

Items should be randomised.

The scale is a 7-point Likert scale, ranging from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree), is employed where high scores indicate high levels of the measured dimensions.

Defensiveness subscale = 1, 2, 3, 4.

Trust difficulty subscale = 5, 6, 7, 8.

Relationship skills subscale = 9, 10, 11, 12.

Reverse questions 9, 10, 11, and 12 to represent ‘Lack of relationship skills’.

Subscale scores between 4-11 (low)

Subscale scores between 12-20 (moderate)

Subscale scores between 21-28 (high)

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Crash and burn: the intense and fleeting romances of the Covid era

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The unspoken rules of dating went out the window as people found themselves deeply alone – perhaps it’s no surprise these couples didn’t make it

On 4 July 2020, 34-year-old Samantha Higdon, a tech worker in Austin, Texas, was swiping through the dating app Hinge when she came across a profile that made her thumb pause and hover over the screen.

His smile struck her as warm and somehow familiar: “He just felt right,” she says. And so it began.

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I’m dating a woman old enough to be my mother. Should we split up?

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Successful relationships don’t have to be ‘textbook’, but they do need purpose, drive, passion. Take a close look at what this woman means to you, advises Annalisa Barbieri

I am 31. Three years ago, I fell into a relationship with a woman who was 50. We lied about our ages (I said I was 35 and she said 45). What started off as a casual encounter has evolved into a relationship that isn’t exactly conventional. I don’t know many people who have been able to sustain a relationship with this big an age gap. My friends are all finding their partners, marrying and having kids, while I am still casually dating someone who is older than my mum.

The other problem is that she is married. She and her ex are separated and due to divorce at some point. It’s been a source of frustration that this woman, whom I love dearly, has the security of a home, living rent- and bill-free, while I work and pay for myself like most people my age. She also has children closer to me in age. I have never met them, thanks to embarrassment on her part and reluctance on mine. Her friends are in their 50s and 60s, while mine are in their 20s and 30s.

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‘Now I know love is real!’ The people who gave up on romance – then found it in lockdown

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Dating apps can be difficult and daunting at the best of times, and many users give up on them entirely. But for some the pandemic was a chance to reassess their priorities, and they were able to forge a much deeper connection


When the country first went into lockdown, I – reluctantly – reloaded my dating app. With the world on pause and friends navigating the choppy waters of home schooling, I needed something to pass the time. I had never had much luck with the apps but, this time, I connected with Bart, a Dutch PR manager who lived in Windsor. To begin with, I assumed our conversation would follow the same pattern as most of my chats on the apps – last a few days, then fizzle out. To my surprise, this time was different. Instead of ending in the great bin-fire of Hinge matches lost, a friendship grew. We began to have regular Zoom cinema nights – watching the same film online and chatting about it afterwards. As we got to know each other, I began to notice how kind and thoughtful he was, and I appreciated his interest in my life. Slowly I found myself opening up, something that had not happened for years.

Before the world turned upside down, I was happy with my single life. I have never wanted children, and spent my time with friends, occasionally dipping my toes into the murky pool of online dating. The process was always the same. Dates lasted an hour or two, before I would slink off home to catch up on Love Island. Every few years I would find that elusive spark but it was always with a charismatic, gym-honed banker who would allude to a string of heartbroken ex-girlfriends and send me aubergine emojis at 3am. I knew this penchant for unavailable men was unhealthy, but despite my efforts, I somehow never managed – or bothered – to break the cycle.

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