Category Archives: Life and style

Why self-belief is a superpower that can be harnessed

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Lockdowns may have eroded people’s swagger, but research suggests there are ways to remedy the situation

In July 2007, the Irish golfer Padraig Harrington won one of golf’s most coveted competitions, the British Open. The story of how he did this, one of the most remarkable finishes in golfing history, illustrates one of the ways confidence works.

The Claret Jug – the Open’s famous prize – was within Harrington’s grasp as he teed off at the penultimate hole of the tournament. He had a one-shot lead on his arch-rival, Sergio García. He was entirely in the zone – “I am literally the most confident person at that point in time,” he said later. Then, something strange happened – a twinge of doubt came out of nowhere at the top of his back swing and he sliced the ball into the murky waters of the notorious Barry Burn river.

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‘We are born hungry for faces’: why are they so compelling?

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We’ve spent a year obscured by masks and pixellated by Zoom. Are you ready to go back to reading real-life facial expressions in all their fascinating glory?

This has been the year of a thousand faces. Every face is an inch or two high on my laptop screen, and trapped inside a rectangle. The rectangles form a wall of faces that builds up brick by brick. As each new face arrives, the wall shifts and rearranges itself. Outside, in the real world, other people’s faces have been frustratingly elusive, half-hidden by masks. Or they have averted their gaze, focused on completing their essential journeys and not wishing to exchange their spittle with mine. But here the faces keep coming, popping up magically from wherever they are in the world, happy to be seen.

During lulls in meetings, my eyes scan the virtual room. You can look long and hard at people’s faces online in a way that would be rude in real life. I have never before paid this much attention to how a hairline runs along the top of a forehead, or an eye sits in its socket, or a jawline segues into a neck. I hadn’t noticed how vulnerable faces are – so soft, fleshy and bruisable – and how mercurially they move between moods. The faces look by turns dazed, dogged, sweetly attentive, full of faraway thoughts that no one could guess at, and as if they are trying hard to be bright-eyed and smiley but might suddenly dissolve into tears. It’s been that kind of year.

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The new summer of love: ‘People are desperate to have sex – it’s been a long year’

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Whether single, curious or just plain horny, many people are planning to make the most of life after lockdowns. Are we ready to get up close and personal?

The past year has changed 35-year-old Georgie’s outlook on dating. Several disappointing socially distanced dates and limp text exchanges meant she stopped using dating apps at the beginning of 2021. And now her parents have been vaccinated, she feels confident about returning to physical dates, “but not to the apps”, she says. “As things open up, I’m going to lean into spontaneity; I’m going to say yes to every invitation and seize every opportunity. If I feel a connection with someone at a social gathering, a festival or even a bus stop, I’ll go and talk to them. I’m going to be way more carpe fucking diem about it.”

Liam, 25, lives in Manchester and has never had a serious relationship. He can’t wait to meet people in real life: “If I never have another conversation via Zoom or WhatsApp, I’d be very happy – especially within my love life.” He gave up on dating apps this year, and is looking forward to the return of proper flirtation. “Vibing with someone on an app or a screen is not the same as seeing someone across a room and feeling that excitement in your stomach. That’s what I need right now.”

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Why I started streaming video games on Twitch at the age of 43

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Over lockdown, comedian, mother of two and former games journalist Ellie Gibson took up livestreaming, loved the community – and learned to love playing again

Like so many things in my life, it began as a daft experiment. I love learning new stuff, and over the course of my 43 years I’ve tried all sorts. Some things have stuck, like comedy, running, and having kids. Some haven’t, like kung fu, olives and holidays in Germany. To be honest, I thought that livestreaming games on Twitch would fall into the latter category.

For those who aren’t familiar (I wasn’t until this year), Twitch involves playing video games live on the internet while providing a running commentary. People watch you, and chat to you via a message window, and sometimes give you money. It’s sort of like exotic dancing, but with fewer breasts.

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‘Unchain your wife’: the Orthodox women shining a light on ‘get’ refusal

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Orthodox Jewish men give their wives a ‘get’ as the couple is divorcing, which seals the divorce according to religious law

On Route 59 in Monsey, New York, an Orthodox Jewish enclave in upstate New York, there is a large billboard that says in big block letters: “Dovid Wasserman. Give your wife a get!”

A “get” is a document Orthodox Jewish men give their wives as the couple is divorcing; it seals the divorce according to religious law, meaning that the husband decides if and when the divorce is final. Without it, the woman cannot move on with her life.

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The Beatles in India: ‘With their long hair and jokes, they blew our minds!’

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Two new documentaries offer intriguing insights on how the Beatles’ 1967 escape to study transcendental meditation shaped the band and India, baffled the KGB – and saw Ringo survive on a diet of baked beans

In 1968, Paul Saltzman was a lost soul. The son of a Canadian TV weatherman, he was working as a sound engineer for the National Film Board of Canada in India when he received a “Dear John” letter from the woman he thought was going to be his wife. “I was devastated,” he says. “Then someone on the crew said: ‘Have you tried meditation for the heartbreak?’”

Saltzman went to see the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – the founder of transcendental meditation – speak at New Delhi University. Emboldened by promises of “inner rejuvenation”, Saltzman then travelled to the International Academy of Meditation in Rishikesh. It was closed, due to the arrival of the Beatles.

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I’m 24 and my life was pretty sorted out, until I fell deeply in love with a man of 51 | Leading questions

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Staying with this man will mean bracing for uncomfortable questions, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But it’s what you feel, not what others think, that really matters

I am a 24-year-old lawyer. I like to think that my life is pretty sorted out but nine months ago, I fell deeply in love with a man of 51. This is hugely surprising to me – but it’s the most amazing relationship I could have imagined. He’s sensitive, kind, funny, generous and in my eyes, very good looking. The problem is ... the age gap! I wonder what I should think about this. I’m generally a conservative person who doesn’t like to shock public opinion.

Now, for the first time in my life, I’m facing a big decision: whether to go with this beautiful man or to give him up and go down a more traditional path. I should add: I don’t want children ever and nor does he.

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‘I felt nauseous in Topshop’: why a fashion editor gave up buying new clothes

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The truth about mass-produced dresses - that everything is commodified and nothing is sustainable – did for me. I decided that if I really wanted a new dress, it had to be old

It was April 2019. I was seven months pregnant and in Topshop, looking for something large in which to rehome my body.

I was wearing a maternity dress that, if you had seen me pregnant, you would have recognised – a cheap, pleated wraparound in a red floral print that expanded as I expanded. I imagined Issey Miyake, but increasingly looked more like an armchair. It had served me well, but I was determined to buy something, anything, to see me through the next few months.

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Mexico accuses Zara and Anthropologie of cultural appropriation

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Ministry of culture claims Zara used a pattern distinctive to the indigenous Mixteca community

Mexico has accused the international fashion brands Zara, Anthropologie and Patowl of cultural appropriation, claiming they used patterns from indigenous groups in their designs without any benefit to the communities.

The culture ministry said in a statement that it had sent letters signed by the culture minister, Alejandra Frausto, to the three companies, asking each for a “public explanation on what basis it could privatise collective property”.

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‘My hairline threatened my identity so much the ground felt shaky’: why hair transplants are booming

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Celebrity endorsements, new techniques and lockdown have led to rising demand for follicular transplants. But with patchy regulation, are men being exploited when they are vulnerable?

Hamish says he’s not at all vain. He wouldn’t consider getting his teeth whitened. He has an average life, with a happy marriage and two children. But when he caught sight of the top of his head in a family photo about eight years ago, something consumed him.

“I just saw this massive receding hairline and it triggered intense emotions,” he says from his home in Edinburgh, where he works in marketing. “I can feel my heart rate has increased just talking about it. It somehow threatens my identity so much that the ground feels shaky.”

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How we met: ‘I mistakenly drank his contact lenses’

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Hannah and Nav, both 34, met at university in 2005. After an awkward start they became a couple and now live together in St Albans with their two children

The first photograph of Hannah and Nav was taken in freshers’ week, when they started at Cambridge University in 2005. “We must have been introduced then but neither of us can remember it,” says Hannah. “That whole week was a bit of a blur.” She does remember seeing him around campus. “He had grey contact lenses, which looked striking on an Indian person.” Hannah was living on a busy corridor, and Nav would often visit to socialise. “I remember she looked really hard to impress. I think I was a bit scared of her,” he says.

During the second year, they joined the same hockey team and got to know each other better. In early 2007, they went to Dublin together on a sports trip, where the friendship started to blossom. By the third year they had become flirty, but it wasn’t until Nav sent a drunken Facebook message that Hannah knew how he felt. “I wrote our surnames with the word ‘relationship’ and a question mark, then a load of Ps because I fell asleep on my keyboard,” he laughs. He deleted it the next day, but Hannah had already received the email alert. “I could see he’d sent me this drunk message and deleted it but I was actually really happy,” she says.

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‘Don’t freak out!’ Why keeping calm and carrying on exercising can help back pain

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When it hurts to walk, bend or even sit, it’s tempting to lie down until your spine sorts itself out. But moving can be the key to getting better

Turns out pandemics can be atrocious for our backs. By last October, more than a third of people in the UK had reported increased back pain, according to one study – and that was before an intense winter lockdown, followed by a month-long storm. We’ve been doing online yoga without an instructor’s watchful eye and lunging with Joe Wicks without warming up, but mostly slouching over laptops feeling tense or depressed.

While the onset of back, shoulder or neck pain can feel like the last straw, the good news is that it probably isn’t as bad as you think. “It’s not likely to be serious,” says Chris Mercer, an NHS consultant physiotherapist in Sussex who specialises in back pain. It was not uncommon to keep an old door under the bed, upon which to lie when your back “went”. But the latest evidence indicates that being active is essential for both avoidance and recovery. “Keep moving, keep active and things will settle,” he says.

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Bees give me a sense of calm: discovering nature in my back garden

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Their busy buzzing supplies the soundtrack to our summer – and by spotting them I’ve found a fresh sense of inner peace

Lockdown started, or reignited, a love of nature in many people. The RSPB reported a 70% increase in visitors to its website during the first lockdown. This came as no surprise to me; stuck at home, without the usual distraction of social engagement, my interest in nature grew. During the winter, I would look up into leafless trees trying to locate a bird whose loud call I could clearly hear. I even bought myself a pair of binoculars so I could acquaint myself with some of the local avian population.

But now I have a new hobby. As the warmer weather slowly arrives, I have been lowering my gaze towards the stirring flower beds and roadside verges, as well as rustling in the undergrowth in the hope of spotting my favourite insects. On a sunny day, there’s nothing better than sitting quietly by a patch of swaying flowers or under a blossoming tree to listen for the tell-tale sign of buzzing. This quintessential sound of summer connects me to the seasons and the natural world, even in the inner city, and fills me with joy. It is also a welcome break from staring at a screen all day. I wait peacefully, in anticipation and excitement of seeing different types of bees.

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Life on the other side: meet five people who’ve had an extreme change of heart

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Janice was a drug dealer who now works with ex-prisoners, Christian used to be a neo-Nazi and now helps former extremists… Five people who have radically changed their lives reveal what made them switch

My life as a criminal wasn’t glamorous. People think of the money, but not what happens after midnight: the police you have to hide from; the family members who won’t talk to you; the thieves, robbers and informants on your back. This is what I now remind people who find themselves sucked into the underworld. Living that life taught me how it feels to be on the wrong side of the law, and equipped me with tools to help people escape it, because that’s precisely what I did.

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‘I was losing my mind’: can baby sleep gurus really help exhausted parents?

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Growing numbers of frazzled parents are paying a fortune to people who claim they can help them get a good night’s rest. Are they being taken for a ride? Plus a doctor’s top tips for children of all ages

By the time her baby was four months old, Zara, a psychologist and executive coach from Surrey, was able to open a bottle of wine and have “a bit of an evening”. He was sleeping in four-hour stints, waking twice in the night. Then, at four and half months, his sleep pattern changed: “It was five wakes, then six, then eight,” Zara says. She was so exhausted she ended up Googling “can you die from sleep deprivation?”.

“I was broken, emotional, confused, sleep-deprived and catastrophising,” she says. “He wouldn’t be down for longer than 20 minutes, and I was losing my mind. Using a sleep consultant was the best money I’ve ever spent; £250 to give me the confidence to trust my child to get himself to sleep without me.”

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‘Accidental meat’: should carnivores embrace eating roadkill?

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My parents have been eating pheasants killed on the roads for years and encouraging me to try them. Is this the most ethical approach to meat-eating?

Motorists shoot me funny looks as I sheepishly cross a scrubby verge, trying my best to conceal the dead pheasant under my arm. I am in a part of Saddleworth Moor called the Isle of Skye by locals, and have just collected a free meal from the middle of the road.

Nobody can agree on how this area of moorland, in the West Riding of Yorkshire, earned its nickname. Some think it comes from a Victorian navvy, who exclaimed in a broad Irish brogue: “Look, there’s an ’ole in the sky,” as he considered a parting in the thick mist above him. Others think it was named after an inn of the same name. But either way, the area should be immediately renamed Pheasant Cemetery. Because, before I picked up my own bird, I counted 46 pheasant carcasses in various stages of decomposition, scattered and splattered on the road over several miles as I drove to Holmfirth for a day out.

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‘It resembled a chinchilla’: 10 men who changed their hair radically in lockdown

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From the film extra who now gets parts as wizards rather than lawyers to the office workers who just decided to go for it, readers who have tried something new with their locks explain why

Before the pandemic, my personal image was dictated by the constraints of corporate office culture, and I always felt tense. But while furloughed, as I was for most of the last year and a half, I found myself with a lot of time to relax, go for walks, listen to jazz and spend more time in the kitchen experimenting with vegetables. I realised that my hair was changing, too, and there was no pressure from anyone to get it cut. The length of my hair became symbolic of my new ability to appreciate the simple things in life. I’ve retrained, and my capacity for self-expression has multiplied. I have so many more options when I style it in the morning. Will, plumber, Bristol

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