Sausage surprise! 10 unexpected ways to cook with bangers and frankfurters

Lockdown Britain has embraced the sausage, with sales up 33%. But there’s much more you can do with them than fry-ups, sandwiches and casseroles

When you Google famous quotes about sausages (say you need an opener for an article), one of the first comes from Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who apparently once said: “Sausages are just funny. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.”

Waller-Bridge is not wrong. Sausages are inherently funny. But their comedic value is also what holds them back. In the kitchen, no one takes sausages seriously. You very rarely see anyone serving sausages on Come Dine With Me; it would be an act of self-sabotage. You cannot win with sausages. They’re a culinary joke, unrefined, a bit naff.

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Brian May taken to hospital after tearing buttock muscles while gardening

Queen guitarist says ‘I won’t be able to walk for a while’ after injury during lockdown and lambasts Boris Johnson over coronavirus

Brian May has complained of “relentless pain” after he was taken to hospital following a gardening injury that tore muscles in his buttocks – and, while in recovery, made a sustained attack on Boris Johnson’s preparedness for coronavirus.

Writing on Instagram, the Queen guitarist said: “I managed to rip my gluteus maximus to shreds in a moment of overenthusiastic gardening. So suddenly I find myself in a hospital getting scanned to find out exactly how much I’ve actually damaged myself. Turns out I did a thorough job – this is a couple of days ago – and I won’t be able to walk for a while … or sleep, without a lot of assistance, because the pain is relentless.”

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Sleazy bosses, exploited barmaids: US cinema finally discovers the left behinds

From The Assistant to Support the Girls, American cinema is swapping feelgood escapism for gritty unsettling realism. We talk to the women spearheading this new wave

‘I wanted it to be relatable to any woman who’s ever worked in an office,” says Kitty Green of her new film The Assistant. “Everything in the film has been in the press already. But I wanted to take viewers on an emotional journey, so they could empathise with the character.”

The #MeToo saga has been examined to near exhaustion, but The Assistant manages to add something new. Rather than perpetrators or victims, it focuses on a relative bystander: a young office worker at a New York film production company. We follow this character, played by Julia Garner, through her demeaning routine: commuting in before daybreak, photocopying, printing, taking her male co-workers’ lunch orders, clearing up leftover pizza from the meeting room (as the men come in for the next meeting, she is humiliatingly caught with a crust in her mouth).

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Judi Dench becomes British Vogue’s oldest cover star

85-year-old Oscar-winner appears in the magazine’s June issue

Judi Dench has become British Vogue’s oldest cover star, securing her first front page for the style arbiter at the age of 85.

The Oscar-winning actor was photographed just before lockdown for the magazine’s June issue, but the accompanying interview explores her experiences self-isolating at home in Surrey.

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‘My desk isn’t usually as messy as this’: Guardian readers share their work-from-home setups

What you see on a video conference isn’t always the whole story – here, readers reveal what’s really going on around them

We asked you to share photographs of the “two yous” that exist while you’re working from home – the person that appears on a video chat screen, and the oftentimes messier space space that surrounds you.

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‘With restrictions easing, how do we tell someone we don’t want them in our bubble?’

This is a rare moment when excluding people doesn’t have to mean we don’t like them, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith – so handle your approach with grace

Now that lockdown restrictions are easing a little bit in my area, my family’s been getting a few requests for playdates and dinner visits. It’s exciting but we don’t want to turn our lives into a rotating door of visits and visitors, because there is still risk out there. One of the people who’s been quite persistent in inviting us over lives nearby, and volunteers for the same organisation as me. But geography is where the closeness ends – we don’t have that much in common and, face to face, our conversations are often awkward. If we’re going to expand our small circle we want to prioritise people we like better. Is there a polite way of telling someone we don’t want them in our bubble?

Eleanor says: I’ve been waiting for this moment, the one where our reaction to the risk starts to change, even though the risk itself stays more or less the same. In normal circumstances we expect our reactions to have a half-life: when there’s a fact we can’t change, like “she left me” or “I didn’t get the promotion”, there’s a point when we’re meant to move on.

But when the fact is an ongoing risk, instead of something that recedes into the past, it’s not clear how long our reactions should last. We don’t know what the half-life of fear is meant to be. To some of us it feels as though the fear should be dissolving by now: we’ve had the big reaction, we’ve processed the horror and, like any other grief or upheaval, there’s a point where we need to return to normalcy.

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Alan Cumming: ‘I never thought about my foreskin until I came to America’

The Hollywood star and bestselling author is becoming a podcaster. He discusses his fight against circumcision, his fear of Harvey Weinstein – and why he is an optimist to the core

‘I’m loving the idea of being here for a sustained period of time,” says Alan Cumming, speaking over Zoom from his “country pile” buried deep in New York’s Catskill mountains. It is purpose-built for isolation. “I realised I’ve been craving it; it’s a shame it took a global pandemic to make it happen.”

The 55-year-old actor has been rigorous about lockdown. He is asthmatic, so he has been out past his gate only once in five weeks. Cumming spends his days with his husband, the artist Grant Shaffer, and their dogs Lala and Jerry, mostly writing. In the evenings, he has Zoom cocktails – last night it was with his old Good Wife co-star Julianna Margulies.

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Victoria Beckham firm sued by ex-employee over hand injury

Kristina Kubiliene can ‘barely open her handbag’, allegedly as a result of working long hours

Victoria Beckham’s clothing brand is being sued by a pattern cutter who claims to have developed a serious hand injury that required surgery after working for up to 15 hours a day in the run-up to New York fashion week.

Kristina Kubiliene, 54, worked for Victoria Beckham Ltd at its London studio for nearly eight years and left last year after developing carpal tunnel syndrome, which left her barely able to open her handbag, her lawyer said.

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How to avoid Amazon: the definitive guide to online shopping – without the retail titan

Amazon’s sales have hit £8,800 a second, while concerns persist about its tax affairs, treatment of staff and effect on small retailers. Here’s how to buy everything from technology to beauty to books without it

With the shutters down on high streets and retail parks around the world, meaning that home delivery is the only option for almost anything other than food and medicine, it’s no surprise that Amazon is seeing business boom. The online retailer, already a one-stop shop for many people, has seen customers flock through its virtual doors in the weeks since coronavirus hit.

The site is experiencing an extended period of sales at the level usually reserved for the shopping frenzy of Black Friday, with reported surges reaching $11,000 (£8,800) a second. Its share price is booming, too, making its already rich founder, Jeff Bezos, even richer.

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My dad said I wasn’t black enough. At last, I know what he meant | Raven Smith

I’m mixed race and ‘culturally white’, and seemed to be a disappointment to my father – but we just weren’t close

My dad said it to me when I was seven years old and it stung like vinegar on a paper cut. Of all the things you throw at kids you never know which ones will stick. This one accidentally stuck. I’m not black enough. The phrase, the unblackness, was planted, and developed like an irksome bruise I only feel when I bend a certain way. It’s a scar tissue formed from acid poured into my wound after I was hit by the paternal truck of not-black-enoughness. An unexploded bomb that’s leaking mustard gas into my blood.

I’m fully grown now, but the comment still tinkles lightly on the piano of my mind. Whiteness is in my blood. Well, half of it. My mum’s never done an ancestry DNA test, but as a woman from north London who regularly burns in the British sun, it’s safe to assume she’s majority Caucasian. I’m mixed-raced and grew up in multicultural Brighton. When my parents split up, my dad stayed in Brixton and I was occasionally evacuated to him on school holidays. As a single parent, aware of her son’s racial identity, my mum rallied, and founded Mosaic, a support group for mixed-parentage families. Brighton is inherently liberal, but “How come your mum’s white, but you’re not?” was the power ballad of my childhood.

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The bittersweet story of Marina Abramović’s epic walk on the Great Wall of China

In 1988 Abramović and Ulay trekked from opposite ends of the wall to meet in the middle, but this act of love and performance art was doomed from the start

From the moment in 1976 that Serbian and German performance artists Marina Abramović and Ulay (Frank Uwe Laysiepen, who died last month aged 76) clapped eyes on each other they were inseparable. Ulay found Abramović witchy and otherworldly; she found him wild and exciting. Even their initial encounter was propitious: they met in Amsterdam on their shared birthday of 30 November.

The pair began to perform together, describing themselves as a “two-headed body”. For years they lived a nomadic lifestyle, travelling across Europe in a corrugated iron van and performing in villages and towns. Their artistic collaborations matched their personalities: they focused on performances that put them in precarious and physically demanding situations, to see how they and their audience would respond. In one, called Relation in Time, they remained tied together by their hair for 17 hours. They explored conflict, taking their ideas to extremes: running full pelt into each other, naked, and slapping each other’s faces until they could take no more.

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The way we once lived is now redundant. We need to reinvent ourselves

There will be no going back to ‘normal’. Our cherished concept of work is increasingly meaningless – the future belongs to those who understand the arts of life

The infantilising of the people by our leaders is horribly revealing of the English psyche. “Jam tomorrow and jam yesterday – but never jam today.” Only it is not jam in this case, it is life-saving personal protective equipment. I specify “English” because Nicola Sturgeon addresses her nation as grownups and Emmanuel Macron and Angela Merkel pay their people the same respect. Now, armed with the knowledge that our prime minister bunked off Cobra meetings as this crisis unfolded, we are being told nothing can really be decided until he comes back from his convalescence. So we are stuck with ministers in supply teacher mode.

Everything has changed and we need to prepare for the new normal. Lockdown isn’t ending any time soon. There is no simple choice between saving lives and saving the economy; the two are intertwined. There is no going back to BC: before corona. Some of us knew this from day one, others are still in denial. There is the unmistakable feeling that a monumental shift in how we live is coming, one way or another, a shift that has long been latent. Those of us in rich countries have been intent on pushing the climate emergency into the future, but now our money won’t save us. Our vulnerability just might. But this requires humility. The idea that Boris Johnson will “bounce back” into his job is as ludicrous as thinking the economy will “bounce back”.

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Being locked down with my family is making me panic

Count your blessings and enjoy the lull this slower pace of life is providing, says Mariella Frostrup

The dilemma I know I should be thinking about the global crisis and what’s happening to those less fortunate, but I can’t get beyond panicking about my own circumstances. I’m stuck at home with four kids, two dogs, a husband whose freelance work is in free fall and my own career is on hold. I’m struggling to deal with being cooped up with young children and I’m also wondering if crimes of passion will receive more lenient sentencing as my husband and I haven’t spent this much time together since our honeymoon! I appreciate you are as new to this as the rest of us, but do you have any words of wisdom?

Mariella replies Not really! Like many of you I know I should be thinking about the bigger picture, but for us mere mortals, who aren’t aspiring to – or ever likely to receive – canonisation, it can be a struggle to see beyond our own noses at the moment.

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‘New hope’: Queen reassures nation in first Easter message

Monarch’s speech is said to be her contribution to those marking occasion at home

The Queen has sought to reassure the nation that “coronavirus will not overcome us” in her first Easter audio message.

The monarch, who is supreme governor of the Church of England, acknowledged this Easter would be different but said “by keeping apart we keep others safe”. She said “Easter is not cancelled” and the “new hope and fresh purpose” of the festival was needed more than ever.

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Jameela Jamil: ‘I think I’m less annoying in person than I am on Twitter’

The presenter, 34, on using her platform, agitating for change and why she’s happy to learn when she gets it wrong

I was deaf, sometimes profoundly, until I was about 12. I’d have an operation – I’d had seven by then – get partial hearing, then lose it again. Finally, they couldn’t patch up my eardrum any more, so they had to fashion a new one. I’d say my hearing is at about 65% now.

It made me a more thoughtful, peaceful person, as well as hyper-observant. I can read people’s body language, which has heightened my ability to make good decisions. Growing up with a disability also makes you obsessed with control, so I’ve never even tried alcohol, even though it seems like I’m drunk on Twitter.

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Time to cut each other some slack amid lockdown fury | Zoe Williams

In the coronavirus pandemic, everyone is trying to create new rules by constantly, volubly judging each other. Better to realise we don’t know the pressures others are under

Before we went into lockdown, I was trying to persuade my mother to reduce her contact circle to five. It seems absurd, now that everyone of advanced age and comorbidities has been told to see no one at all, but way back then (three weeks ago), this seemed reasonable. She immediately bartered the number up to six. It was like negotiating with Tony Soprano: there was no way she was coming out of the deal without the upper hand. Then I asked her how she planned to tell the rest of her associates that they weren’t on the list, and she said: “Good heavens, I’m not going to tell them. That would be so rude!”

Then the list was reduced to zero, but mysteriously, one of the original six went round anyway to fix her letterbox. I asked what was the point of fixing her letterbox, when the only important letter she was going to get would be from the government, telling her not to have anyone round, irrespective of whether or not she had a defective letterbox. She said she would prefer to have less advice, and be given a lethal injection. “I wouldn’t mind,” she said, graciously. “I”m not sure whether the main impediment to euthanasia is whether or not you mind,” I observed, extremely calmly and not at all sarcastically.

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My name-twin was arrested for robbery … and everyone thought it was me

When I bumped into the other Davon Clark in college, it was funny. When friends confused our dating profiles, it was weird. When he got in trouble with the cops, my life started to fall apart

I walked out of class and pulled my phone out of my pocket. There were dozens of missed calls and messages from my girlfriend. She was demanding to know why I was on Tinder. One of her friends was claiming that she had found me on the app, and she had sent a screenshot of the bio to my girlfriend. Sure enough, his first name and interests were identical to mine.

After collecting myself, I gave my girlfriend a call. She answered yelling, understandably. I gave her a few minutes and then tried to explain: it was someone else. She shot back that she knew I was lying. Her friend had started a conversation with the guy and he’d told her his full name, Davon Clark – which was also my name.

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Perfect shelves and unblocked drains: 10 easy DIY tasks to transform your house quickly

From hanging pictures to resealing the bath, now is the time to tackle the jobs you have been ignoring – many of them much simpler than you think

While you have been stuck at home staring at the four walls and everything inside them, you may have noticed that some of what you see is broken. Small problems that may not have bothered you when you spent all day at work – a wonky curtain, a creaky door – suddenly demand your attention. But how do you fix things without professional help, armed only with limited tools and even more limited competence? We asked the experts for advice on the 10 simplest DIY tasks you can tackle right now.

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No flour, eggs or butter? No problem! 23 cake recipes for when you’re missing an ingredient

On lockdown and feeling the urge to bake, but missing something apparently vital? Then pinch some ideas from great bakers past and present

Cake has taken on a new significance now that most of us are stuck at home all day, every day. We’re comfort-eating and baking like there’s no tomorrow. But what do you do when you fancy a sponge, but can’t find eggs or your oven is broken and no one will fix it? Here are some recipes to get you through every ingredient shortfall.

If we suggest you replace one missing ingredient with another that you don’t have, or that you would normally never dream of buying, bear in mind that no two kitchen cupboards are the same and you may find that grocers can still supply “fancy” alternatives such as ricotta or flaxseeds while the staples are but a memory.

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