‘Love and desire’: how erotic poetry is helping Afghans through lockdown

A new generation of poets in Afghanistan is exploring the physical side of love – and isolation is their inspiration

It has been weeks in lockdown for Hoda Khamosh, but the 23-year-old has managed to stick to a routine. This includes sitting down in the afternoons to write poetry, mostly with an erotic spin to it.

In the absence of touch and seeing friends and loved ones, she – along with many others – has turned to erotic poetry, convinced that, “it will help to get through these difficult days”.

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Sexual healing: using lockdown to ignite desire

This could be the perfect time for couples to boost their sex life

For many of us right now, sex couldn’t be further from our minds. Our usual routines have been turned upside down and the way we are living can be challenging for even the most harmonious of relationships. But what if we viewed this time as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reset and refresh our sex lives?

The fact that sex isn’t a priority for a large proportion of people fits with findings from sex research along with, well, common sense. Stress and anxiety are known to reduce our sexual desire and a preoccupation with the news, our finances, the health of our loved ones, or how much is in our store cupboards, can understandably slow the wheels of our sex life to a standstill.

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Can I have sex? A guide to intimacy during the coronavirus outbreak

What are the risks associated with intimacy in the time of coronavirus? Three experts weigh in

With countries on lockdown and millions being made to stay at home, it’s unsurprising many couples and single people are wondering what coronavirus means for their sex lives. With this in mind, we asked three experts five of the most pressing questions about intimacy during the pandemic.

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The power of celibacy: ‘Giving up sex was a massive relief’

The plethora of dating apps has bolstered society’s obsession with sex, but many people find that a period of abstinence makes them happier and healthier

In a world where you can get a sexual partner faster than a pizza delivery, it has never been easier to play the field. Yet, despite all that swiping right, a surprising number of people are not having sex at all – not for religious reasons, or because they can’t get a date, but because they find that celibacy makes them happier.

Some have never had much interest in sex, while others are taking a break to address personal problems, recover from bad dating experiences or change the way they approach relationships.

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Having more sex makes early menopause less likely, research finds

Study of nearly 3,000 women suggests body may ‘choose’ not to invest in ovulation

Women who have sex more often are less likely to have an early menopause, according to research that raises the intriguing possibility that lifestyle factors could play a more significant role than previously thought in determining when the menopause occurs.

The study, based on data collected from nearly 3,000 women who were followed for 10 years, found that those who reported engaging in sexual activity weekly were 28% less likely to have experienced menopause at any given age than women who engaged in sexual activity less than monthly.

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Ncuti Gatwa: ‘I’ll say yes to anything’

The breakout star of the cult TV series Sex Education talks about his Rwandan roots, family gossip and coping with overnight success

At the beginning of 2019, Ncuti Gatwa had fewer than 1,000 followers on Instagram. He had filmed Sex Education the previous summer, and by January, it was ready for the world to see. Though it starred big names – Gillian Anderson, Asa Butterfield – on paper the show sounded more like a cult oddity than a smash hit. Butterfield played Otis, a secondary-school student turned sex therapist for his peers in a gaudy world that sat between a John Hughes movie and a Just Seventeen problem page. Gatwa starred as Eric Effiong, Otis’s best friend. Netflix had flown the cast to New York to promote Sex Education, which was released when Gatwa was on the return flight – and his character was a huge hit. When he landed at Heathrow, Gatwa turned on his phone. In the space of several hours, his follower count had gone up… by a couple of hundred thousand.

“It definitely felt exposing,” Gatwa says. He’s sitting in a café in Soho, almost exactly a year after the show changed his life so suddenly. At 27, he is a decade older than Eric, and less flamboyant, though he shares the character’s ebullience. He sounds different, too – his own accent roams Scotland, Rwanda and Tottenham, where he now lives, and his broad laugh ripples across the busy lunchtime crowd.

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The joy of sex for the first time at 37: ‘We celebrated and high-fived afterwards’

Libby’s virginity felt like a weight she had to carry around. Determined that 2019 would be her year, she signed up to online dating – with unexpected results

This time last year, Libby was looking back on 2018 with regret. At 37, she was still a virgin.

Libby (not her real name) was one of four thirtysomething virgins to share their stories with the Guardian in June. The piece struck such a chord that there was cause for a follow-up article on the many readers who got in touch to say they started their sexual lives in their 30s – and urged those who were worried about not having lost their virginity not to give up hope.

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Who’s the daddy? Paternity mixed up in cities, study finds

Illegitimacy more likely over past 500 years among urban poor, say geneticists

The Romans had a phrase that summed it up nicely: mater semper certa est, pater semper incertus est. The mother is always certain, the father is always uncertain.

Now, researchers have found that some people have more reason to doubt their fathers than others, or at least have had over the past half millennium.

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‘Men said we were immoral’: the aphrodisiacs challenging taboos | Wana Udobang

Nigeria’s traditional ‘Kayan Mata’ recipes have grown into a booming industry that’s empowering women to be more open about sex

When Amra Mansur was working as a makeup artist in Abuja, while she studied law, she would overhear conversations between would-be brides and older relatives about how to please their men in the bedroom.

The older, mostly female relatives would recite aphrodisiac recipes that involved ingredients like fenugreek, dates, honey, watermelon and the fruit silky kola.

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Women as likely to be turned on by sexual images as men – study

Neural analysis finds the brains of both sexes respond the same way to pornography

The belief that men are more likely to get turned on by sexual images than women may be something of a fantasy, according to a study suggesting brains respond to such images the same way regardless of biological sex.

The idea that, when it comes to sex, men are more “visual creatures” than women has often been used to explain why men appear to be so much keener on pornography.

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‘Step away from the porn’: how to have hot sex at every age

From early experimentation to long-term relationships, our erotic lives constantly evolve – here’s expert advice for all stages of life

“Nowadays many people start their sexual journey with porn,” says the sex educator and author of The Curious History of Dating, Nichi Hodgson. In fact in a recent study of 1,000 18 to 25-year-olds, 45% said that porn was their main source of sex education, while in a 2016 study commissioned by the NSPCC, more than a third (39%) of the 13 to 14-year-olds said they wanted to copy the behaviour they had seen in porn. “The upcoming age restrictions [on porn sites] will make it less likely that young people just stumble across this content, but there still needs to be a degree of shame-free porn literacy,” says Hodgson.

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The truth about sex: we are not getting enough

In a world that seems so at ease with sex, you’d think we were having it all the time. Think again

We owe a lot to the sex lives of Greeks. Ancient Greece gave us the origins of the names and concepts for homosexuality, homophobia and nymphomania, as well as narcissism and pederasty. The Romans talked freely to each other in toilets and were equally community-minded when it came to sex, with a reputation for lasciviousness and orgies. Georgians, we believe, were smutty, and Victorians were prudes and hypocrites. (All of these are partial truths.) We like to use sex as a mirror of an era, and to make judgments accordingly. What then, are we to make of us right now?

This is the most sex-positive age ever, right? We are liberal and comfortable with sex like no other people have ever been. Our magazines publish articles on how to get on better with your clitoris. Porn is freely available (and accessed by teenagers). Erotic books are bestsellers, however badly written. TV broadcasts shows in which the contestants are naked, or have sex in a box, or make a sex tape on camera. If sexual choice were a shop, it would be a hypermarket, with dizzyingly long aisles of every possibility: straight, gay, bi, trans, poly, fluid, each with its own culture and each widely accepted.

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Bedroom confidential: what sex therapists hear from the couch

Sex counsellors have a unique insight into our shared concerns and insecurities. Where once they focused on physical issues, now they are tackling psychological ones

Denise Knowles, a sex and relationship therapist with the charity Relate, says patients often say to her: “There are so many options, I don’t know where to start.” Thirty years ago, Knowles was mostly approached with physical problems: erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse, issues with ejaculation. Now she describes the scope of her work as “bio-psycho-social”. That is to say, everything has got a lot more complicated.

“I think it has gone from being very much: ‘This is the problem; this is how we resolve it,’ to: ‘How do we approach sex? What does it mean to you? How does it fit into the relationship, and how have you got to this place?’” She laughs. “Then we can start to deal with it.”

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