Nice nibbles and virtual squabbles: how to Covid-proof your Christmas

If Omicron threatens to disrupt your plans, don’t panic – here’s a guide to making the best of it

So here we are again. Out are the plans to dust off your dancing shoes at the Christmas party, and in is the stockpiling of toilet rolls and boxes of chocolates for the long nights ahead.

With a “staggering” increase in Covid cases accelerated by the spread of the Omicron variant predicted by medical advisers this week, many people are fearing that they will once again face Christmas in not-so-splendid isolation.

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I challenged Tom Cruise to send me two of his special cakes for Christmas. Did he deliver? Of course he did

Every Christmas, the actor sends an extreme white chocolate coconut gateaux to close friends – by private jet, it turns out. This year, those friends include me. Twice

Reader, I am here to inform you that dreams do come true. You really can have anything your heart desires, with the proviso that you’re prepared to aggressively and repeatedly abuse your position in order to get it. What I’m trying to say is this: my year-long campaign to get Tom Cruise to send me a cake has ended in success.

Roughly a year ago, I wrote a short piece about Cruise’s habit of sending $50 (£38) white chocolate coconut bundts to his closest friends at Christmas. Kirsten Dunst, Henry Cavill, Angela Bassett, Jimmy Fallon, Graham Norton and scores of other high-profile figures all receive a cake, lovingly made by Doan’s Bakery in California and shipped out by Cruise’s staff. I finished my article by hoping that I would one day be important enough to receive such a wonderful gift.

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Your niece is suddenly vegan! How to survive the 12 disasters of Christmas

One guest is an antivaxxer, another is allergic to your cats, the turkey is still raw and your best friends are splitting up in the sitting room. Here is how to face down festive fiascos

It’s that time of year when you wake up sweating and can’t figure out why. Did you accidentally wear your thermals in bed? Do you have tuberculosis? No, dummy, it’s just that it’s almost Christmas, it’s your turn to play host, and the list of things that can go wrong on the 25th is long and wearying.

Can I recommend, before we drill into this list, a quick wisdom stocktake? Last year was the worst Christmas imaginable: every plan was kiboshed at the very last minute; non-essential shops closed before we’d done our shopping; people who thought they were going back to their families ended up at home and hadn’t bought Baileys and crackers and whatnot; people who’d battled solitude for a year were stuck alone; people living on top of each other couldn’t catch a break; people expecting guests were buried under surplus pigs in blankets, and beyond our under-or over-decorated front doors, the outside world was fraught with risk and sorrow, as coronavirus declined to mark the birth of the Christ child with any respite from its march of terror. I’m not saying it couldn’t be as bad as that again – just that it couldn’t possibly be as surprisingly bad again.

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‘Even the reindeer were unhappy’: life inside Britain’s worst winter wonderlands

They are the festive fairgrounds where no one is a winner. Santas, elves and bouncers discuss the Christmas gigs that made them question their life choices

Polystyrene snow, MDF grottos, stomach-churning rides and Santas with scratchy fake beards: as Christmas nears, ’tis the season for winter wonderlands. At their best, these immersive Christmas markets and fairgrounds delight visitors of all ages, while providing a reliable source of income for their owners. Britain’s biggest winter wonderland, in Hyde Park, London, has pulled in more than 14 million people since it launched in 2005, with entry starting at £5 and attractions ranging from £5 to £15.

But visitors to lesser attractions often complain of poorly thought-out productions and inexperienced organisers. Well-documented holiday horrors include Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen’s Birmingham attraction, which in 2014 was forced to shut down after a day following hundreds of complaints about cheap toys and long queues, and a New Forest Lapland whose owners were sentenced to 13 months in jail for misleading the public in 2008. “You told consumers that it would light up those who most loved Christmas,” the judge told them in his summing up. “You said you would go through the magical tunnel of light coming out in a winter wonderland. What you actually provided was something that looked like an averagely managed summer car boot sale.”

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‘My son’s birthday party is off’ – the sacrifices UK parents are making to save Christmas

Families tell of their ‘heartbreak’ as parties and other social plans are cancelled in the wake of Omicron

’Tis the season to be jolly, and last week Marieke Navin and her boyfriend were planning to attend three Christmas parties between them. But now, following the rise of the Omicron variant, they are not going to any.

“I was looking forward to those parties,” said Navin. “But my priority is protecting Christmas. I don’t want my children to be isolating in their room on Christmas Day, or be unable to visit their dad or my parents. I don’t want my partner’s kids to be unable to come to us on Boxing Day. I don’t want to jeopardise the movement of the children, and I don’t want anyone being poorly over Christmas.”

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Hygge, glögg and pepparkakor… why we’re all falling for a Scandi Christmas

After the comfort food and rituals, Britons are embracing more traditions, such as the festival of Santa Lucia

From Ikea to meatballs, hygge to Nordic noir, Scandinavia’s influence on the UK has been rising steadily for decades. But this Christmas, amid the coronavirus pandemic and Brexit, enthusiasm for the region and its traditions is hitting new heights.

Scandinavian goods distributor ScandiKitchen closed online Christmas orders early this year after unprecedented demand for festive products including meatballs, glögg (mulled wine), pepparkakor (ginger biscuits), chocolate, ham and cheese.

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‘There’s always been an affinity between Christmas and ghosts’: Mark Gatiss on the joy of festive frights

The writer and actor puts the ghoul into yule with screen and stage roles reprising haunting classics from Charles Dickens and MR James

Close the curtains. Light the fire. Then prepare to be terrified; it’s Christmas. For although the word “cosy” may be closely tied to festivities at this time of year, so it seems is the word “ghost”.

In northern Europe people understandably cope with the shorter days and darker evenings by drawing in around a roaring hearth, metaphorical or otherwise. Light and warmth: it makes sense. But what kind of stories are told while friends and families gather together? The answer, of course, is the spookier, the better.

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No ho ho: Italian church apologises over bishop’s claim about Santa Claus

Antonio Stagliano was trying to focus on the story of Saint Nicholas when he told children Santa did not exist, says church in Sicily

A Roman Catholic diocese in Sicily has publicly apologised to outraged parents after its bishop told a group of children that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

Bishop Antonio Stagliano didn’t mean the comments, and was trying to underline the true meaning of Christmas and the story of Saint Nicholas, a bishop who gave gifts to the poor and was persecuted by a Roman emperor, said the Rev Alessandro Paolino, the communications director for the diocese of Noto.

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Digested week: when is a party not a party? You could ask Dilyn the Dog | John Crace

The stories about Downing Street happenings that never happened are becoming increasingly surreal

Last Christmas was probably the worst my wife and I had spent together in all the years we have been together. We had long since accepted there was no chance of our daughter coming over from the US but the final straw was when the Covid guidelines were changed and we were unable even to see our son and his girlfriend for the day. So we glumly ate a small chicken and watched TV before sneaking off to bed round about 9pm. Now it’s looking as if we were mugs for sticking to the rules as those inside No 10 were ignoring them by holding a series of after-work parties. So far the government has not tried to deny that these gatherings took place – other than to say whatever happened was not a party – and its lines of defence have become increasingly ropey. First we have had Boris Johnson saying no one cared what happened a year ago and that an investigation wasn’t in the public interest. This was a line pursued by Dominic Raab, the justice secretary, on the Marr programme when he said the police didn’t bother to investigate crimes that had happened in the past – news for watchers of Silent Witness and Unforgotten. Though possibly Raab is under the impression the only crimes worth solving are those that have yet to be committed. Then on today’s media round, we had Kit Malthouse, the policing minister, saying he had been assured that even if a party had taken place – which he couldn’t confirm as he hadn’t been there – it definitely took place within the guidelines because the music had been very quiet and someone had opened the windows. Or something. Despite the fact that any gatherings were banned. No 10 just doesn’t seem to get how angry everyone is about this. Nor how many will think twice about breaking the rules if they are changed again before Xmas.

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Met police say they will not investigate Downing Street Christmas party

Force cites policy of not investigating past alleged breaches of Covid rules and lack of evidence

The Metropolitan police has said it will not investigate the Downing Street Christmas party widely reported to have been held last year.

In a much awaited statement, the force said it had a policy of not retrospectively investigating alleged breaches of coronavirus laws.

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What is the best Christmas party food? | Kitchen aide

Cheese and chocolate are your friends, but keep them bite-sized. Top chefs share their favourite nibbles …

• Got a culinary dilemma? Email feast@theguardian.com

What makes the best party snacks?
Rachel, Hove

“Anything that can be eaten cleanly in a mouthful is ideal,” says Guardian food columnist Ravinder Bhogal. “Anything too big, messy or that requires lots of chewing should be avoided – there’s nothing worse than those awkward, mouth-full moments when someone suddenly strikes up a conversation.”

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Fromage fictions: the 14 biggest cheese myths – debunked!

Received wisdom says older cheese is better, you should pair it with red wine and wrap any leftovers in clingfilm. Here is what the experts say

‘I hate to dictate to people. I don’t like too many rules,” says Iain Mellis, a cheesemonger of 40 years, with cheese shops bearing his name scattered across Scotland. Mellis has spent his life trying to make artisan cheese more accessible; the last thing he wants is to be so prescriptive that people are put off.

Yet the world of good cheese is already mired in misunderstandings that, at best, detract from its enjoyment and, at worst, result in its ruination. Cheese stored incorrectly is easily marred, while the mistaken beliefs that you need red wine, specialist knives or even a cheeseboard to enjoy it only reinforce cheese’s recherché reputation.

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Are you dreaming of a booze-free Christmas? Join the (soda) club

The market in no- and low-alcohol drinks is booming in the UK as more people swap the festive hangover for mindful drinking

The concept of a Christmas without champagne, wine or whisky is counterintuitive to many. But this festive season, growing numbers of Britons are eschewing alcohol and gearing up for a teetotal – or at least partially so – celebration, according to retailers.

Sales in the no- and low-alcohol category, also known as “NoLo”, are expected to grow by 17% in the UK this year, reports IWSR Drinks Market Analysis, and will hit almost 19 million cases and a value of $741m (£558m). Meanwhile, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose and Tesco all report that sales of NoLo drinks have seen huge rises year on year, a trend they expect to continue in the run-up to Christmas, amid a rise in “mindful drinking”.

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‘I dread Christmas. My husband won’t get jabbed’: The families split over Covid vaccines as they plan holiday gatherings

We talk to three people faced with moral crises over reconciling family festivities with the risks posed by coronavirus

Christmas is meant to be a time filled with joy, but for many families it can underline divisions between parents, children or siblings and bring unresolved tensions to the surface. This year adds a particular issue to that dynamic – whether or not individual family members are vaccinated.

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Labour MPs report Boris Johnson to police over 2020 Christmas parties

Met asked to investigate reports of alleged breaches of Covid lockdown rules at No 10

The prime minister has been reported to the police by Labour MPs over allegations there were at least two parties in Downing Street during lockdown restrictions last year.

Neil Coyle, Labour MP for Bermondsey and Old Southwark, wrote to the Met police commissioner, Cressida Dick, asking her to investigate reports that the prime minister spoke at a leaving do in November and also allowed a staff Christmas party to go ahead in December.

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The Home Alone house is on Airbnb. Sounds like a trap | Stuart Heritage

Just how lucky will the guests who get to stay at the McCallister house later this month be? I foresee trouble

In the interests of public service, I need to make you aware of a trap. Yesterday, a property became available on Airbnb. It is a large home in the Chicago area, available for one night only and it is suspiciously cheap. Look, it’s the Home Alone house.

Apparently, for $18 (£13.50), you and three friends can stay overnight in the iconic McCallister residence. You will be greeted by the actor who played Buzz McCallister. There will be pizza and other 90s junk food. There will be a mirror for you to scream into. There may well be a tarantula. It all seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? This is why I am convinced that whoever ends up staying there will be robbed.

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Ed Sheeran & Elton John: Merry Christmas review – an overstuffed, undercooked turkey

Laudably released for charity, the favourite for this year’s Christmas No 1 leaves no musical cliche untwinkled – and its exhortation to forget the pandemic is crass

Given recent government advice to avoid kissing strangers under the mistletoe this Christmas, there’s a sense in which the long-trailed festive hook-up between Ed Sheeran and Elton John counts as a reckless incitement to anarchy. For his part, Sheeran wants nothing more than a relentless tonguing beneath those poison berries this December: “Kiss me,” he sings; then later, “just keep kissing me!” (To be fair, this noted Wife Guy is unquestionably singing about his wife. Did you know he has a wife? He might have mentioned it.)

In every other respect, however, Merry Christmas – in case the perfunctory title didn’t make clear – is the very exemplar of avoiding unnecessary risk during this perilous season. There are sleigh bells. Church bells. Clattering reindeer hooves. A kids’ choir. Sickly strings. The full selection box, and delivered with about as much imagination as that staple stocking filler. Old friends Sheeran and John encourage us to “pray for December snow”, and the overall effect is a blanketing avalanche of plinky-plonky schmaltz rich in bonhomie and derivative in tune.

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