Despite its awful name it’s my favourite time of year, an excuse to pause any activity – including new year celebrations

And so we find ourselves again at the Christmas perineum, the time between the end of the yuletide celebrations and before the new year shenanigans begin, and a phrase so awful I have felt compelled to use it as often as possible ever since the dark day I learned it about five years ago. Sorry.

Watch less Brooklyn Nine-Nine every evening;

Add a new meal to my culinary repertoire and take the total to nearly three;

Work harder, walk more, cull wardrobe, sort finances, declutter house, clean more, lose weight, see if this improves life or makes me wish I was dead. You’ve got to find out at some point, I reckon.