Category Archives: Life and style

UK workers on returning to the office: ‘No point if I end up doing video calls’

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Some welcome the routine, while others are concerned about how it will work without everyone in at the same time

Workers in the UK have gradually been returning to offices in recent weeks, after the lifting of coronavirus restrictions. While many firms have adopted a flexible arrangement that combines remote and office work each week, many others have called their employees back full time.

For some, it is a welcome return to normality, but others have raised concerns about their health and working conditions.

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‘Sex isn’t difficult any more’: the men who are quitting watching porn

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Addiction to pornography has been blamed for erectile dysfunction, relationship issues and depression, yet problematic use is rising. Now therapists and tech companies are offering new solutions

Thomas discovered pornography in the traditional way: at school. He remembers classmates talking about it in the playground and showing each other videos on their phones during sleepovers. He was 13 and thought it was “a laugh”. Then he began watching pornography alone on his tablet in his room. What started as occasional use, at the beginning of puberty, became a daily habit.

Thomas (not his real name), who is in his early 20s, lived with one of his parents, who he says did not care what he was doing online. “At the time, it felt normal, but looking back I can see that it got out of hand quite quickly,” Thomas says. When he got a girlfriend at 16, he started having sex and watched less pornography. But the addiction was just waiting to resurface, he says.

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Life being put on hold was just the spur this writer needed to fulfil her youthful ambition

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Charlotte Northedge wrote a new novel in lockdown. She considers others who have realised the dreams of their youth

I wrote a novel in the last lockdown. To be clear, it wasn’t one of those creative outpourings some people had in between yoga with Adriene and baking banana bread. I had a deadline. Some days, I thought I’d never cut through the brain fog brought about by living through a pandemic. But gradually, as the initial panic subsided and the usual distractions of daily life fell away, I found the words did start to come, and the process of writing my second book was much more fluid and focused than my first.

Which is hardly surprising. I started my debut while on maternity leave with my second baby. I had dreamed of writing a novel since I was a child. I was one of those bookish kids whose weekly highlight was a visit to the library and who spent the best part of my teens squirrelling away short stories and beginnings of novels that never seemed to go anywhere. When I moved to London after my English degree, I joined a writing group and started a thriller.

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Fire-pit recipes: how to start a backyard blaze safely, and what to cook on it

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Wood-fire cooking isn’t just for sausages and marshmallows, Harry Fisher says, and lockdown is no excuse for not upping your campfire-cuisine game

Usually, plenty of Australians would be starting to make plans for summer camping trips about now. Others would already be on them, having escaped the southern states for long soirees north where winter is little more than a horror story told to scare kids at night.

A significant proportion of those people, though – and maybe you, reading this – are stuck at home dreaming of the warmth and crying into their beer while watching Netflix, thanks to ongoing lockdowns and border closures.

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‘A kick in the teeth’: British mothers and pregnant women fear return to workplace

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Companies recalling staff this month have been accused of not offering flexitime and failing to protect employees

Before the pandemic, every morning and night was a cycle of stress and rushing around for single mother Emma Woodburn, getting her two young sons to and from school, childcare before and after work and staying on top of housework.

But when, 18 months ago, the 39-year-old from Lancashire was told by her employer she could work from home, everything changed. “It was like a weight was lifted. It was less rush in the morning. I could put the washing on throughout the day and hang it out on my dinner break. It just felt easier.”

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Delivering babies in a Nigerian camp: ‘I’ve had to use plastic bags as gloves’

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After seeing a woman die in childbirth, Liyatu Ayuba stepped in and has now delivered 118 babies in a community cut off from public health services

Having watched a woman and her baby die needlessly after being refused admission to a hospital over a lack of money, Liyatu Ayuba wanted to never let it happen again.

The 62-year-old is one of Nigeria’s nearly 3 million internally displaced people (IDPs) – driven out of their homes by the violence of the Boko Haram Islamist militants. Ayuba fled Gwoza in the north-eastern state of Borno in 2011 with her family. After her husband was killed by Boko Haram and her teenage son badly wounded, she went to the makeshift Durumi 1 IDP camp, in Nigeria’s capital, Abuja, where about 500 families live.

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The chronic stress survival guide: how to live with the anxiety and grief you can’t escape

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Stress can feel like a baseline condition for many of us – especially during a pandemic. But there are ways to help alleviate the very worst of it, whether through support, sleep or radical self-care

At a time when all life’s challenges have been amplified by the pandemic – and awareness of burnout, at home and at work, has never been higher – stress might seem to be our baseline condition. For most of us, these periods of pressure pass relatively quickly. Even serious stress can be temporary and, given the chance to recover, we usually will. “But emotional resilience won’t solve everything,” says Rachel Boyd, from the mental health charity Mind. “Some of the causes of stress are very challenging to cope with, even when we feel OK.”

Many of our everyday challenges have been amplified by the pandemic and its consequences for the economy and society. Those living with financial hardship, health conditions, or caregiving responsibilities, in particular, may feel there is no end in sight. But even if stress seems essential to your circumstances and you don’t have the option or the resources to change them, there are ways you can support yourself.

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What personality are you? How the Myers-Briggs test took over the world

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Deemed ‘astrology for businessmen’ for some, lauded as life-saving by others, the personality tests are a ‘springboard’ for people to think about who they are

I am a born executive. I am obsessed with efficiency and detached from my emotions. I share similarities with Margaret Thatcher and Harrison Ford. I am among 2% of the general population, and 1% of women.

People like us are highly motivated by personal growth, and occasionally ruthless in the pursuit. We make difficult partners and parents, but good landscape architects. We are ENTJs: extroverted, intuitive, thinking, judging – also known as the executive type or, sometimes, “the Commander”.

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Kidnapped, raped and wed against their will: Kyrgyz women’s fight against a brutal tradition

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At least 12,000 women are still abducted and forced into marriage every year in Kyrgyzstan. But pressure is growing to finally end the medieval custom

Aisuluu was returning home after spending the afternoon with her aunt in the village of At-Bashy, not far from the Torugart crossing into China. “It was 5 o’clock in the afternoon on Saturday. I had a paper bag full of samsa [a dough dumpling stuffed with lamb, parsley and onion]. My aunt always prepared them on weekends,” she said.

“A car with four men inside comes in the opposite direction to mine. And all of a sudden it … turns around and, within a few seconds, comes up beside me. One of the guys in the back gets out, yanks me and pushes me inside the car. I drop all the samsa on the pavement. I scream, I squirm, I cry, but there is nothing I can do.”

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‘It’s all here on the water’: how Britain’s canals became home to bakers, blacksmiths and florists

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Stroll down Britain’s canals these days and you’ll encounter waterside businesses of all kinds trading out of narrowboats. Here, five floating traders share their stories

When Stuart Fenwick first moved to London seven years ago, he spent a lot of time on foot exploring the capital’s towpaths. His wanderings prompted a recurring dream in which he ran a floristry studio aboard a narrowboat. “I’ve been working with flowers since I was 15 and I’ve always wanted a shop, but could never really afford it,” he explains. “The overheads in London are just too high and unfortunately, retail floristry has been in decline for a long time.” Fenwick found the solution in Bria – a 42ft narrowboat that roves the city’s waterways.

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My young son feels guilty about hurting his friend at school

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Children are allowed to make mistakes – and they help us to learn, says Philippa Perry

The question A while back my son physically hurt a friend at school. He stopped when the teacher told him off. The friend has moved on, forgiven him and even invited him to his birthday party, but it is haunting my son as he still feels bad and really anxious about it. What happened was very much out of character and he can’t explain why he did it.

Here is my son’s letter to you: I am a nine-year-old boy. A couple of months ago, I hurt my friend by squeezing his neck tight. I don’t know why. Maybe I was overtired. Now I deeply regret this and have been feeling guilty almost every day since. I apologised and I keep apologising. The boy I hurt forgave me quickly, but I can’t seem to forgive myself. What doesn’t help is that I’m not religious so I can’t speak to God and ask him for forgiveness. After it happened, I was so distressed and quiet, but those feelings were bottled up inside me. Sometimes when I think about it my stomach hurts. I’m writing in the hope you’ll teach me how to move on.

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A garden at Ground Zero: what I learned growing an oasis in the shadow of 9/11

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Soon after 9/11, I moved into an old building by Ground Zero. First step? Plant an unlikely patch of green

If you listen, I mean really listen, you will hear your garden speaking to you. Mine, which sits on a 10th-floor Manhattan terrace, a stone’s throw from where the World Trade Center stood, first spoke to me on a crisp September morning 20 years ago. I had jury duty that day and decided to walk the two miles south from my home in Greenwich Village down to the courthouse in the financial district.

But when I turned south on to 6th Avenue, I looked up to see see an orange hole flaming at the centre of the tower ahead of me. A woman nearby fell to the pavement, screaming something about a plane. It didn’t seem like a good day to go downtown; yet something compelled me to continue south. When I arrived at a gas station on Canal Street, a boom sounded and a puff of smoke issued from just behind the tower. “What was that?” I asked a taxi driver, filling his tank nearby. “Well, see those two buildings are connected with pipes,” he said with the unquestionable authority endemic to New York cabbies. “When you get a fire in one it spreads and you get a fire in the other.” Makes sense, I thought, and pushed southwards.

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Fran Lebowitz: ‘If people disagree with me, so what?’

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With a hit Netflix series and The Fran Lebowitz Reader now published in the UK, the American wit talks about failing to write, her dislike of Andy Warhol and her best friend Toni Morrison

Fran Lebowitz is a famous writer who famously doesn’t write. “I’m really lazy and writing is really hard and I don’t like to do hard things,” she says, and it’s the rare writer who would not have some sympathy with that. Yet, as all writers also know, writer’s block, which the 70-year-old has suffered from for four decades now, is never really about laziness. Lebowitz’s editor Erroll McDonald (“the man with the easiest job in New York”) has said she suffers from “excessive reverence for the written word”.

Given that Lebowitz has, at last count, more than 11,000 of them in her apartment, there is no question that she loves books. “I would never throw away a book – there are human beings I would rather throw out of the window,” she says. So is this talk of “excessive reverence” a euphemistic way of saying that she has low self-esteem and doesn’t think she can write anything good enough to commit to print?

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Vaccine wars: how the decision not to get the shot is tearing loved ones apart

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When friends and family disagree about getting vaccinated, close ties can fray. Some siblings have even stopped talking to each other

Megan, a 30-year-old from rural Nebraska, feels torn. She hasn’t been vaccinated against Covid-19, but if left to her own devices, things would be different. She worries about what would happen if she caught the virus and passed it on to her toddler daughter, whose history of health complications includes hospitalization for lung problems. Megan feels a responsibility to protect her child. But she also doesn’t want to keep secrets from her husband – who, along with his mother, is adamantly against the vaccine for political reasons. (All names in this story have been changed.)

As she figures out how to protect herself and her daughter without inciting major family conflict, Megan admits that her husband’s reliance on conspiracy theories he learns from like-minded friends or social media posts has made it difficult to trust him. Especially now.

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Get off my lettuce! Three quick ways to deter snails without poison

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Copper, coffee and beer come together in a cumulative effort to keep pests out of your patch

Anyone who has ever had a tree get in the way of a breathtaking view or pending development approval will know the consequence of a copper coin – come on, we’re all aware of this nasty poisoning tactic! But did you know that copper can be used to kill other stuff too, like pesky snails and slugs?

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‘Sleep is venture capital’: employers wake up to benefits of a nap

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After lockdown some businesses understand better how flexible working hours enhance productivity

A three-hour break in the middle of the working day for a languorous lunch, followed by a restorative nap sounds like the Mediterranean dream, but employers in Spain are increasingly moving away from this rigid schedule, which for many workers feels more like a nightmare.

The merits of introducing the siesta in the UK have been hotly debated this week after the National Trust unveiled plans to move towards “Mediterranean working hours” at some sites in the south-east, to help cope with rising annual temperatures.

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What will our eco-friendly homes of the future look like?

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The planet-saving innovations available, and which are most likely to be used in UK houses

As we argue over heat pumps and electric car charging sockets here in the UK, it is undeniable that most of our homes have a long way to go to be eco-friendly.

To reach net zero, we are going to have to change how we heat our houses. The way they are built will probably have to change, too. Perhaps the ubiquitous squat brick suburban house will become a thing of the past. Hopefully so will our Victorian pipe system and, for those of us who rent, our ancient boilers which make a disturbing noise.

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Experience: I was attacked by two sharks at once

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The great white swiped for my head, but missed, because another had got there first

It was a warm winter’s day in South Africa and I planned to go surfing at Nahoon Reef. I was 15 and had just finished my first day back at school after the winter break. The reef is famous among surfers for its powerful waves and popularity with sharks. If you see lots of birds diving into the reef or notice a strong fishy smell in the air, you should not surf there.

But on that day in July 2000, the waves were perfect, just over head high, and there was no wind. The water was warm for winter, too. The conditions were too good to resist.

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Parmesan and Pop-Tarts: 17 foods you’ve probably never frozen – but really should

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From spinach to sandwiches, here’s how to reclaim your freezer from loose peas and crystal-encrusted lollies, to instantly improve your life in the kitchen

If there is one skill I wish I was better at, it’s freezer optimisation. Right now, my freezer is a mess of ice cubes and lollies and roughly a ton of loose peas, leaving me without enough room to freeze things that are actually useful. Getting your freezer organised is a great idea, so allow me to list all the things you can freeze, but probably don’t. Honestly, this list is as much for me as it is for you.

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