Amia Srinivasan: ‘Sex as a subject isn’t weird. It’s very, very serious’

With her debut book, The Right to Sex, a 36-year-old Oxford don is dazzling everyone from Vogue to Prospect magazine. She discusses porn, gender dysphoria – and why her students are no snowflakes

If All Souls is one of the most inordinately beautiful colleges in Oxford – its bone-white gothic, best peered at by mere mortals from nearby Radcliffe Square, is the work of the great Nicholas Hawksmoor – it’s also one of the oddest and most rarefied. Famously, it has no student body. Each year, however, a small number of recent graduates who would like to become so-called prize fellows may apply to take a famously difficult and inscrutable exam during which, as a tour guide I followed earlier put it, they must “write an essay on a single word, like coconut”. As my eavesdropping also revealed, TE Lawrence, AKA Lawrence of Arabia, passed this exam, but Harold Wilson failed it.

In her lovely, wood-panelled room in All Souls – its current tenant wears Adidas sneakers and likes a good martini, but it still makes me think of patched corduroy and sherry – Amia Srinivasan laughs heartily. “Right,” she says. “Those guides. They always come up with things like: everyone here is a priest, or everyone is a man. Or they tell people: ‘Stephen Hawking is in there right now.’ At least the exam thing is sort of true.” Having taken it successfully herself in 2009 – she had to write around the word “reproduction” – Srinivasan was a prize fellow at the college until 2016, when she became a lecturer at UCL (the one-word riff component was abandoned the following year). Now, though, she’s back. Last January, she took her up her post as the Chichele professor of social and political theory at All Souls, a job once held by Isaiah Berlin. She is both the first woman, and the first person of colour, to hold it. At just 36, she is also its youngest ever incumbent.

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‘Sales funnels’ and high-value men: the rise of strategic dating

While courtship handbooks have always existed, for some women new technologies have both facilitated and necessitated a change in approach

Rebekah Campbell remembers the moment she knew things had to change. “I got to age 34 and woke up one Christmas morning on a fold-out bed in the garage of some friends of my parents and was like, ‘I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this,’” she says. “I could see that I was potentially going to miss out on having a family unless I did something drastic.”

Campbell was single and had not been on a date since the death of her boyfriend a decade prior. In those 10 years, she focused her energy on building a successful business career, including founding the order-ahead app Hey You. So she resolved to begin dating the same way she launched brands: by sketching out a plan that resembled the “sales funnel” she used in her work.

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Martha Wainwright: ‘Divorce has given me wisdom’

The musician, 45, talks about putting down roots, losing her mother, playing music and and how middle age has been a transformative time

My first memory is my mother [folk singer Kate McGarrigle] singing to me. It was the song Go Tell Aunt Rhody, which is about a goose dying and the gander being depressed. Very morbid. I was very little. I remember her hand softly caressing my arm while she sang it to me. It’s a lovely memory. It’s a sad song, even a scary one. But it was comforting.

I’m still grieving for my mother. I’m very much in it. She’s been gone over 10 years now, but I wear a lot of her clothes, I live in the house she lived in and I sing her songs. Her dying at 63 has defined me in lots of ways. I was only 33 when I lost her. But this year I’ve been thinking about it differently. Dying young means that you’re saved years of old age. There’s a lot of suffering in old age. That’s been helping me to think like that.

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Rosanna Arquette: ‘I fear the world will fall into the hands of fascist dictators – and white supremacy’

The actor and film-maker on being ghosted for her politics, the best kiss of her life and having an angel experience

Born in New York City, Rosanna Arquette, 61, starred with Madonna in the 1985 film Desperately Seeking Susan, for which she won a Bafta. Her other movies include Pulp Fiction and Crash. In 2002, she made Searching For Debra Winger, a documentary about women in the film industry; her podcast series is called Radical Musings. She is married, has a daughter and lives in Los Angeles.

When were you happiest?
I am trying to find a little happiness at least once a day, so this morning.

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A look in the mirror: the existential threat facing beauty halls

Covid pandemic has accelerated shift to online purchases, with big brands buying up startups

The department store beauty hall is facing a fight for survival: the pandemic has accelerated the shift to buying cosmetics, skincare and other pampering products online, and a growing number of sales are now via a smartphone rather than over the counter.

Manicured sales assistants, testing pots and makeovers are being replaced by powerful influencers and digital beauty halls that can switch up the products on offer at the tweak of an algorithm.

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A childhood desire to wear women’s pants has returned. Is it perverted? | Ask Annalisa

Don’t be ashamed. Shame is for the other people in your life who failed you, says Annalisa Barbieri

As a child, I stole a pair of my mother’s high-waisted, pink and white nylon knickers and wore them under my short trousers to school. I was six years old and not getting what I needed from her. I felt I couldn’t access her. She was physically and emotionally unavailable, and in a marriage that was “on the rocks”, as she used to say. I had also tried to tell my parents I was being physically, sexually and emotionally abused at school, but they scolded me for telling lies and not concentrating on my work.

I’m now in my 60s. I’ve been in therapy for many years, and have come to understand my parents’ difficulties and, more importantly, myself. Recently, I have felt the old, suppressed urge to buy women’s underwear online. But I’m conflicted, confused and haunted by other people’s messages. This might be because I grew up in a country dominated by religion.

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‘We can’t go back’: the Russian gay family who took refuge in Spain

Family was targeted in hate campaign on social media after appearing in a food chain’s ad

A Russian lesbian family who received death threats after they appeared in an advertisement for the food chain VkusVill say they feel safe in Barcelona and accepted for who they are.

The family were targeted in a hate campaign on social media after they appeared in the ad. The company later apologised and replaced the photo with one of a heterosexual family.

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Experience: I accidentally bought a derelict house

We wanted to bid on a property. But auctioneers speak quickly, and this one had a strong Glaswegian accent

My girlfriend Claire and I had both been to Scotland just once before: me as a kid; Claire for a medical school interview. I’m English, she’s Canadian, and we met in the French Alps in 2016, quickly grew close, travelled around Europe, then got it into our heads that we should move to Glasgow. Wanting a project, we looked at auction listings and found an apartment in Pollokshields, Southside. It needed some love, but the starting price was £10k. Before deciding to bid, I’d spent a few nights sleeping in my van across the street from it. I liked it.

With Claire away, I ventured to the sale alone. It was my first time at a property auction. I took my seat and waited patiently. The problem was auctioneers speak fast, and this one had a strong Glaswegian accent: I was really struggling to follow. Thankfully, a brochure on my seat contained the details for every lot, while a screen behind the stage displayed its corresponding number. I ticked off each sale in my copy as we went, counting down.

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Plum perfection! 7 brilliant reader recipes – from spicy chicken to almond cake

The juicy fruit is newly in season and delicious in both savoury and sweet dishes. Here are some tried and tested delights

This is a cake made using the traditions of Italy. Sharp plums or damsons are placed atop a simple almond and polenta cake. Flourless and dairy-free, it is not intentionally health conscious; it just ends up being delicious this way. It will stay fresh for three days if wrapped in foil.

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Cargo bikes deliver faster and cleaner than vans, study finds

Home deliveries are soaring and cargo bikes cut congestion and pollution in cities, researchers say

Electric cargo bikes deliver about 60% faster than vans in city centres, according to a study. It found that bikes had a higher average speed and dropped off 10 parcels an hour, compared with six for vans.

The bikes also cut carbon emissions by 90% compared with diesel vans, and by a third compared with electric vans, the report said. Air pollution, which is still at illegal levels in many urban areas, was also significantly reduced.

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Forget the emoji! 10 simple, seductive aubergine recipes – from donburi to chocolate cake

There are many quick, easy and delicious ways to eat an aubergine. Here are some of the best options, including salads and shakshuka

The aubergine hasn’t always had the most pristine reputation. There was a time when eating one required a complicated dance of slicing and salting and draining to remove its unpleasant bitterness. Luckily, though, most mass-market aubergines available in the UK have now had the bitterness bred out of them, so aubergine dishes are no longer so frustratingly time-consuming.

Once society has managed to find an alternative sexting emoji, the aubergine’s rehabilitation will be complete. In the meantime, let’s look at the ways aubergine can be utilised in all manner of global dishes.

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My partner cheated on me – then told me about the fantastic lover she’d found

This man was well endowed, highly sexed and lasted longer than me. Is our relationship doomed?

I have been with my partner for three years, and a month ago she cheated on me. We discussed the matter and from that I discovered that this guy she cheated with is well endowed, lasted longer than me and has a huge sex drive. She now wants us to fix things, but I am uncomfortable knowing all of this. I am afraid that I will not satisfy her and she may end up going back to this person and that I’ll be hurt. What can I possibly do to overcome all of this?

Don’t believe your partner’s description of the other guy. It sounds spiteful. Is there a reason why she would try to hurt you? Is she angry or resentful of you for some reason? It’s time for a calm talk to try to understand each other far better and to have a chance to express your true feelings without resorting to blaming or name-calling. Tell her honestly that you feel uncomfortable and afraid and say: “Please help me to understand your feelings too.” After a breach of trust it takes time to repair a damaged relationship and the hazy spectre of a rival’s dimensions is really the least of your worries.

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A moment that changed me: I realised I had become a masochist – and quit Twitter

Social media brought me better jobs, close friends and love. But I was ignoring the ways in which the constant criticism and approval were shaping my life

In March 2009, I type in “twitter.com” and sign up for the next 12 years of my life. I am 20, in my first year of uni. I have three friends and hate it here. But, on Twitter, I can talk to real music journalists, my longed-for future people. Two years later, I move to London to work at NME. My social awkwardness makes life in a new city feel like dredging the Thames with baggy tights. On Twitter, however, I have blossomed into a magnificent little chaos magnet. Even on sad, drunk Friday nights in, my phone-sized kingdom glitters.

Real life improved, often thanks to Twitter. It led me to John, still my boyfriend 10 years on, and many of my closest friends. Thanks to being a woman in a male-dominated field, the odd viral review and little talent for discretion, I ended up with 60,000 followers. I didn’t take it that seriously, but acing my first popularity contest felt like winning Miss World, if she had bad posture and trigger-happy thumbs. Visibility brought better jobs and gave me a platform to retaliate against music’s many dirtbags. The mute button silenced reply guys and trolls, and I hadn’t searched my name in years, ever since John likened that always-upsetting habit to self-harm – an overstatement that nevertheless rang true.

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Illegally sterilised Czech women to be offered compensation

Hundreds of mostly Roma women were threatened, tricked or bribed into being sterilised until 2012

Women sterilised without their consent are to be offered compensation in the Czech Republic after President Miloš Zeman signed a bill into law this week.

The women, most of whom were Roma, will be awarded 300,000 Czech crowns (£10,000) from the government as compensation.

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‘Collective strength’: the LRA captive restoring dignity to survivors in Uganda

Kidnapped by Lord’s Resistance Army rebels as a girl, Victoria Nyanjura has pushed through major reforms for victims of abduction and rape

When Victoria Nyanjura was abducted from her Catholic boarding school in northern Uganda by members of the Lord’s Resistance Army, she prayed to God asking to die.

She was 14 when she was taken, along with 29 others, in the middle of the night. During the next eight years in captivity she was subjected to beatings, starvation, rape and other horrors that she cannot talk about even 18 years later. Five of the girls who were taken prisoner with her died, and Nyanjura gave birth to two children.

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‘Don’t beat yourself up’: 10 ways to feel happier with your body as the world reopens

Many of us are returning to the office or socialising for the first time in a year – and may be feeling anxious about physical changes. Here’s how to feel a little bit better about yourself

As pandemic restrictions are lifted in England, many of us will be returning to offices and meeting up with friends for the first time in more than a year – and some of us may not look the same way we did in pre-Covid times. We may have gained weight, or lost muscle, or simply look more tired than before. Perhaps we harboured vague goals of returning to the world with sculpted abs and perky posteriors, but life in a pandemic puts paid to the best-laid plans. So how do you feel OK about your body as the country begins to open up? The experts weigh in.

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Jessie Cave on body image, bereavement and being relentless: ‘I don’t have any secrets’

The actor, comic and writer talks about her bestselling debut novel, the cruelty of costume fittings, how it felt to be in the Harry Potter franchise – and finding hope in small things

As a compulsive diary writer – she has kept one since she was eight – Jessie Cave knows that, unless it gets written down, life gets forgotten. She is glad, then, that she wrote her debut novel, Sunset, because the way she felt at the time “would have just gone, and then you’re in a different place and you don’t remember”. This book, says Cave, was “absolutely the only thing I could write during that period”.

In March 2019, her younger brother Ben died in an accident aged 27. Her book was written in the aftermath, that manic feeling that sometimes comes with grief pushing her on. It went straight to No 1 on the Sunday Times’ bestseller list after being published in June. “I don’t know if I would have that energy now,” she says.

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‘The assignment made me gulp’: Could talking to strangers change my life?

So often we interact with the world via phones and apps, but what if you struck up a converastion with a random person? A growing body of research suggests we should

It’s 7am on a Monday and my heart is racing. Normally my Mondays are reserved for tedious activities, but this morning I’m chasing a high. I’m not in a nightclub greeting sunrise with a tequila, sadly, but in an east London café. The source of my palpitations? I’m steeling myself to strike up a conversation with an unsuspecting man a few tables away.

Given that I’m a journalist who interviews people for a living, you might think I’m being overly dramatic. But talking to strangers can be terrifying. The unpredictability of how they will respond to your overture, and the possibility of rejection, is paralysing. Perhaps the worst fear of all: might they find me annoying?

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