Category Archives: Australian lifestyle

How do I overcome chronic indecision and make progress with my life? | Leading questions

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Whatever you chose will change who you become, and you cannot predict how in advance, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith

How do I overcome chronic indecision and make progress with my life? Important decisions which usually involve either a time commitment or considerable investment evoke feelings of anxiety and a fear that I will make the wrong choice. I will often ruminate over the pros and cons of these decisions to such an extent that I can no longer choose between them – a state of analysis paralysis.

At instances when I have had more than one choice, such as two study offers from different universities, or two different job opportunities, I am frustratingly fraught with indecision. On occasions, I have overthought for so long that I have often lost both opportunities which then stirs up strong feelings of regret and self-loathing. This inaction has stalled my progress in life, which seems bizarre, as all I want to do is just move forward with things.

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‘Loving ourselves is an act of defiance’: tender and heartbreaking letters to fathers and sons

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The historical oppression of Indigenous men has shaped perceptions of First Nations masculinity. A lovingly curated book of letters challenges stereotypes

When Wiradjuri woman and Miles Franklin-winning novelist Tara June Winch met Torres Strait Islander author and activist Thomas Mayor at last year’s Perth writers’ festival, she implored the dad of five to write about fatherhood.

With three adult children from his first marriage and two, aged seven and 10, from his ongoing relationship, 44-year-old Mayor, while “thinking about all my flaws as a father and as a man”, was a reluctant starter.

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Fire-pit recipes: how to start a backyard blaze safely, and what to cook on it

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Wood-fire cooking isn’t just for sausages and marshmallows, Harry Fisher says, and lockdown is no excuse for not upping your campfire-cuisine game

Usually, plenty of Australians would be starting to make plans for summer camping trips about now. Others would already be on them, having escaped the southern states for long soirees north where winter is little more than a horror story told to scare kids at night.

A significant proportion of those people, though – and maybe you, reading this – are stuck at home dreaming of the warmth and crying into their beer while watching Netflix, thanks to ongoing lockdowns and border closures.

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Get off my lettuce! Three quick ways to deter snails without poison

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Copper, coffee and beer come together in a cumulative effort to keep pests out of your patch

Anyone who has ever had a tree get in the way of a breathtaking view or pending development approval will know the consequence of a copper coin – come on, we’re all aware of this nasty poisoning tactic! But did you know that copper can be used to kill other stuff too, like pesky snails and slugs?

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‘I opened it and I just started laughing’: the pitfalls of pandemic shopping

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From accidentally over ordering, to products that bear no resemblance to their description or photographs, buying everything online has its downsides

When Sam Bowker and his partner moved into their new rental, they planned to buy a couch the same way they usually did – with a trip down to the local op-shop.

But Covid-19 scuppered this. The Salvation Army was no longer offering delivery services, so after a couple of drinks one evening, Bowker turned to eBay. There he found a “sleek looking black three seater lounge – it was a flatpack you build yourself, with free shipping”.

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Zoom dilemmas solved! Expert advice on making video chats less awkward and more fun

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Whether it’s chatting with small children, planning occasions or finding ways to socialise off-camera, after 18 months of lockdowns we’ve learned what works

With many parts of Australia still in lockdown, connecting with others can feel increasingly challenging.

Whether video calls are stifling your usual banter with friends, or the problem is actually hearing them at all over a patchy internet connection, Zoom fatigue is real.

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I almost gave up searching for my first best friend: 25 years on, we found each other

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When Gabriella met Natsumi they had no shared language – but that did not stop them from becoming fast friends

When my family first landed in Perth at the start of January, it was 40C. The stifling heat was such a contrast to the European winter we had left behind.

It’s one of the things I remember about migrating to Australia with my mum and step-dad when I was six; that and the extremely long flight leaving Budapest – with stopovers in Helsinki, Karachi and Singapore.

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‘Sales funnels’ and high-value men: the rise of strategic dating

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While courtship handbooks have always existed, for some women new technologies have both facilitated and necessitated a change in approach

Rebekah Campbell remembers the moment she knew things had to change. “I got to age 34 and woke up one Christmas morning on a fold-out bed in the garage of some friends of my parents and was like, ‘I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this,’” she says. “I could see that I was potentially going to miss out on having a family unless I did something drastic.”

Campbell was single and had not been on a date since the death of her boyfriend a decade prior. In those 10 years, she focused her energy on building a successful business career, including founding the order-ahead app Hey You. So she resolved to begin dating the same way she launched brands: by sketching out a plan that resembled the “sales funnel” she used in her work.

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I am living with my ex. Should we have some physical distance between us? | Leading questions

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You can’t move frictionlessly from being in a relationship to being close friends, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Something needs to change

I’m living with my ex-partner after mutually deciding to break up a few weeks ago. We rent a two-bed house and have a cat. The issue is my ex wants to stay in this living situation for the next few months and has no urgency to find alternative accommodation. I feel the urgency but don’t know what to do and whether to move back with my parents or stick it out.

I feel this is very unhealthy and the ritualistic habits developed over time are still happening … dinner, sleeping in the same bed, cleaning duties, shopping. Am I unrealistic in thinking that we should have some physical distance between us, or is this normal? I’m not sure what to do. It may sound selfish but I don’t want to be the one with all the upheaval, especially as I have worked so hard to make this house a home.

Eleanor says: I think you already know this, but might want permission to really believe it: as a fairly firm rule, you can’t move frictionlessly from being in a relationship to being close friends.

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I haven’t cheated on my partner for over a year. As things open up, I’m worried it will happen again

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If you want to stop cheating you need to figure out why you do it, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, and that will take time, effort and help

One huge bonus of a year of lockdown and social distancing is that, for the first time in my relationship, I haven’t cheated on my partner for over a year. Women find me attractive and often flirt with me but I’ve never accepted an invitation to start an affair. Having been cheated on in the past I’m painfully aware of how the lies and deceit of an affair can make the betrayed person feel like they are going crazy, and the massive hurt that is caused when a long term affair is discovered.

Instead, when I get drunk at a party or night out, I start responding to these flirtatious behaviours and end up going home with a stranger, colleague or associate. It’s always a one-night stand and even if the other person wants it to continue I never do. Afterwards I feel terrible, give up drinking for a while and try strategies to prevent it happening again (eg mention my wife within one minute of conversation, don’t drink at festivals, impose a curfew on myself etc).

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You’ve been warmed: 10 slow-bake recipes to keep you home

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As the cold weather takes hold, leverage the heat of your oven to stay cosy while cooking up a feast


With more of us spending time indoors during winter and while working from home, your oven can double up on duties: making dinner and warming your kitchen in the process. You don’t need a slow cooker when your oven can do all the work for you, from tender confit vegetables to a rich and luxurious custard.

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I’m 24 and my life was pretty sorted out, until I fell deeply in love with a man of 51 | Leading questions

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Staying with this man will mean bracing for uncomfortable questions, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But it’s what you feel, not what others think, that really matters

I am a 24-year-old lawyer. I like to think that my life is pretty sorted out but nine months ago, I fell deeply in love with a man of 51. This is hugely surprising to me – but it’s the most amazing relationship I could have imagined. He’s sensitive, kind, funny, generous and in my eyes, very good looking. The problem is ... the age gap! I wonder what I should think about this. I’m generally a conservative person who doesn’t like to shock public opinion.

Now, for the first time in my life, I’m facing a big decision: whether to go with this beautiful man or to give him up and go down a more traditional path. I should add: I don’t want children ever and nor does he.

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Ramadan night markets: Sydneysiders celebrate at Lakemba after sunset – photo essay

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From chips on a stick to camel burgers and kanafeh, crowds come to Lakemba’s annual street bazaar for the food and the energy

When the Canterbury Bankstown council announced it had cancelled the annual and extremely popular Ramadan night markets in Lakemba, there was disappointment all round.

The markets have grown to become a staple during Ramadan, the ninth month of the Islamic calendar when Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset.

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Beyoncé looked glorious on my magazine cover. ‘Are you going to lighten her skin?’ my boss asked

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Being urged to retouch then re-retouch the singer’s photo left Justine Cullen shaken. In this extract from her new book she recalls the ‘cookie cutter’ cycle her industry was trapped in

I stood and knocked tentatively on my publisher’s office door, holding a printout of my latest cover gingerly in my fingertips. The cover I held in my sweaty hands this time was Beyoncé, and she looked … well, she looked like Beyoncé. She looked perfect.

The publisher held the cover in her hands and looked at it approvingly. “It’s wonderful,” she said, nodding. I gave a relieved little sigh and turned to leave the room. But, just as I got to the door, she glanced back up from her computer screen and piped up, nonchalantly, as though having an afterthought: “Are you going to make her skin a little lighter?”

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Phone wet and won’t turn on? Here’s what to do with water damage (hint: putting it in rice won’t work)

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While many smartphones are advertised as ‘water resistant’, this doesn’t mean they’re immune from water damage

If you’ve ever gotten your phone wet in the rain, dropped it in water or spilt liquid over it, you’re not alone. One study suggests 25% of smartphone users have damaged their smartphone with water or some other kind of liquid.

Liquid penetrating a smartphone can affect the device in several ways. It could lead to:

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Australian dogs poo the weight of the Sydney Harbour Bridge each month. Where should it go?

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Pathogenic and methane-producing, poo is the worst part of pet ownership. But in South Australia, a group of enterprising pet owners are piloting solutions

I’ve always picked up my dog’s droppings with bittersweet feelings. There’s the gratification of doing the right thing, and the guilt for contributing to plastic waste. This was eased somewhat by using biodegradable bags, but there’s more work to be done.

Animal Medicine Australia estimates there are 5.1m dogs in Australia. A single dog produces approximately 340 grams of waste per day. That means Australia’s dogs drop a mind-boggling weight in poo, 1734 tonnes – equivalent to nine empty jumbo jets every day, or a Sydney Harbour Bridge’s worth monthly.

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Bees bounce back after Australia’s black summer: ‘Any life is good life’

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Australia’s bushfires were devastating for bee populations. But steady rain and community efforts are seeing the return of the pollinators

You could say that Adrian Iodice is something of a stickybeak neighbour. On Iodice’s once-lush bushland property, nestled within the Bega Valley of New South Wales, there stands a majestic rough-barked apple tree that the beekeeper used to, every now and then, jam his head into.

In the hollow of the trunk lived a flourishing wild colony of European honeybees that Iodice had been keeping an eye on for years. “I’d have a chat with them,” he laughs. “Stick my head in and see how they’re getting on in life. They were very gentle bees; they never had a go at me.”

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Dopamine dressing: Australian fashion insiders on the clothes that make them happiest

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Feelgood fashion from a ‘pro-science, pro-Dolly’ T-shirt to a ‘surprisingly powerful’ necktie

The idea of ‘dopamine dressing’ – wearing clothes that make you feel happier, has been around for several years, but it has reached new heights of relevance in 2021 as we continue to go out less, and feel rotten more often.

Feelgood clothes are often reduced to aesthetics – pieces that are bright, poppy or overtly joyful. But an outfit doesn’t have to scream happiness in order to provoke it.

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‘Hydration is a simple thing’: has the quest to improve water actually worked?

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From alkaline waters to beauty elixirs, added oxygen and probiotics, many brands claim they have ‘enhanced’ water – but what do the experts think?

Today, when I woke up, I made myself a cup of warm lemon water. After lunch I dropped a Berocca into a glass to power me through the afternoon haze. Running errands I considered treating myself to a Coke but opted instead for an expensive, vegetable-tasting water.

H2O classic may be a prerequisite to all known forms of life, but countless brands insist they have found ways to “improve” water. From a business standpoint, it’s working. Industry researchers IbisWorld estimate Australia’s “functional beverage” industry is worth $445.6m; and as people become more health conscious, the growth of the sector is outpacing the economy overall.

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