I’m a long-distance dad so Covid was terrible – but it helped me let go of my guilt

I worried so much about not seeing my son, who lives in Canada, during Covid, but then I realised that he was fine – and being very well looked after

Getting to Canada from the UK in August 2020 was a faff, as you might expect mid-pandemic. There was lots of stress – tests and isolation, rules, regulations and forms. I was doing the preparations at my mum’s. She could see I was getting upset and insisted on taking over, assuming I was being pathetic. Within five minutes, she had lost it as well. Emotions were high in the days before I flew. This wasn’t just a holiday, but my chance – amid such uncertainty and sadness – to spend precious time with Julian, my only son.

He’s the best and most significant thing that has ever happened to me. He was also very much an unexpected surprise. I had a short relationship with his mum; we parted ways on great terms. Then one day out of the blue I got a call from North Korea, where she was working. She was pregnant. I was based in England, and she lived in Canada. We were both medical emergency aid workers at the time and had met while responding to a cyclone in Burma. It was always going to be complicated, but we decided to make it work.

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‘My son’s birthday party is off’ – the sacrifices UK parents are making to save Christmas

Families tell of their ‘heartbreak’ as parties and other social plans are cancelled in the wake of Omicron

’Tis the season to be jolly, and last week Marieke Navin and her boyfriend were planning to attend three Christmas parties between them. But now, following the rise of the Omicron variant, they are not going to any.

“I was looking forward to those parties,” said Navin. “But my priority is protecting Christmas. I don’t want my children to be isolating in their room on Christmas Day, or be unable to visit their dad or my parents. I don’t want my partner’s kids to be unable to come to us on Boxing Day. I don’t want to jeopardise the movement of the children, and I don’t want anyone being poorly over Christmas.”

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My family has a vaccine refusenik – should we still get together at Christmas? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

You can’t force him to get vaccinated – but equally, he can’t force you to spend time with him. Face this head on and explain how you feel

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s faced this difficulty this year. One of my family members, who’s in his 40s, has consistently refused to be vaccinated against Covid and will not be moved from his position. He will not explain his reasons for rejecting the vaccine, whether it is ideological or simply rebellion against the so-called “nanny state”.

He has already been (politely but firmly) excluded from one family get-together as a result of his intransigence. We have explained that he is not being rejected personally, but there are concerns within the family about his vulnerability to catching the virus and transmitting the infection to the children and their grandparents.

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‘I dread Christmas. My husband won’t get jabbed’: The families split over Covid vaccines as they plan holiday gatherings

We talk to three people faced with moral crises over reconciling family festivities with the risks posed by coronavirus

Christmas is meant to be a time filled with joy, but for many families it can underline divisions between parents, children or siblings and bring unresolved tensions to the surface. This year adds a particular issue to that dynamic – whether or not individual family members are vaccinated.

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El Salvador ‘responsible for death of woman jailed after miscarriage’

Inter-American court of human rights orders Central American country to reform harsh policies on reproductive health

The Inter-American court of human rights has ruled that El Salvador was responsible for the death of Manuela, a woman who was jailed in 2008 for killing her baby when she suffered a miscarriage.

The court has ordered the Central American country to reform its draconian policies on reproductive health.

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How a writer found himself in a missing person story

While working on a book about missing persons, Francisco Garcia received a message that turned his life upside down. Here he reflects on love, loss and the enduring promise of reunion

Despite the cold, it had been a decent day. Late March is sometimes like that in London. More winter than spring, the grass often still frozen half solid underfoot. It’s rarely a time that speaks too loudly of renewal. This year wasn’t any different, as far as I can remember. The occasion that afternoon was a friend’s 30th birthday party, if that’s what you’d call a few faintly desultory beers in a barren Peckham Rye Park.

Back at home, my partner and I had settled down to watch a florid period drama. About half an hour in, that’s when it happened: the moment my life changed. My phone lit up with an unfamiliar name on Facebook Messenger. “Hello Francisco, this might be a shock. It’s your father’s family in Spain. Twenty years may have passed, but we have always remembered you.”

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Do I need to leave my partner for the sake of my fragile son? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

It’s all about your partner, your son, your dad, your friends. But you need to find a way to include your own needs in whatever you decide

I am 62 years old and semi-retired. I’ve worked hard all my life. In my 30s I had a son; it was just the two of us for a long time. My son had mental health issues in his teens and has autism; I am still friends with my son’s father, and they have a good relationship.

Ten years ago I met a lovely man and we moved in together. My son went to uni; the expectation was he’d move out once he’d graduated. He’s now 27 and still living with us.

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Samantha Willis was a beloved young pregnant mother. Did bad vaccine advice cost her her life?

When the UK’s jab programme began, expectant mothers were told to steer clear – so Samantha decided to wait until she had had her baby. Two weeks after giving birth, she died in hospital

It was typical of Samantha Willis that she bought the food for her baby shower herself. No fuss; she didn’t want other people to be put out. She even bought a cheese board, despite the fact that, because she was pregnant, she couldn’t eat half of it.

On 1 August, the care worker and mother of three from Derry was eight months pregnant with her third daughter. The weather was beautiful, so Samantha stood out in the sun, ironing clothes and getting everything organised for the baby.

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‘I took a DNA test and found a new family’: the drama and joy of meeting long-lost relatives

After years of searching, DNA tests, social media and old-fashioned tenacity have played crucial roles in reuniting fractured families. Here, six people tell their stories

I used to go by Larecia Whitehead, I changed my second name to Buford – my real father’s name – when a DNA test led us to each other after decades apart. For most of my childhood, Mum told me another guy was my father, a man I never knew and who left us when I could barely walk or talk. I was never convinced. Then, at 15, a girl in school recognised my then surname and introduced me to the man my mother always said was my dad. We looked nothing alike. He didn’t think I was his daughter either. Fastforward to me being 31, and I needed certainty. Once again I tracked down the man my mum said was my dad and asked him to do a DNA test. The results came back: there was a 0% chance we were related. I’d been right all along.

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Parliament to vote on bill to ban child marriage in England and Wales

Marriage of under-18s associated with risk of domestic, sexual and ‘honour’-based violence, say MPs, who will vote on Friday

A bill that would ban child marriage in England and Wales will be presented to parliament for its second reading this week and has been welcomed by campaigners as a “huge stride” forward.

Currently, marriage and civil partnerships are legal at 16 and 17 with parental consent. This is not just out of step with international legislation but also a loophole that is “more often used as a mechanism for abuse”, according to Pauline Latham, MP, who will present her bill on Friday.

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Childhood obesity in England soars during pandemic

Experts alarmed as NHS data shows one in four children in England aged 10 and 11 are obese

Thousands of children are facing “serious” and even “devastating” consequences as a result of weight gain during the pandemic, experts warn, as “alarming” figures reveal one in four 10- and 11-year-olds in England are obese.

Health leaders are calling for a “relentless drive” to boost child health as official NHS data lays bare for the first time how child obesity levels have soared during lockdowns.

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The agony of choosing termination for my baby who had foetal anomaly

There is a silence around the death of a baby, and a greater hush around the issue of termination for foetal anomaly. Laura Doward shares her life-changing experience

I’m looking at my name, handwritten in capital letters, neat as a button. Considering asking for another form to rewrite it, make it shakier.

“Foeticide,” the doctor is saying.

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Dan Savage: ‘When politicians leave sex alone, I’ll leave politics alone’

Dan Savage is the world’s most influential sex columnist, who regularly offends both conservatives and liberals with his radical views. On the 30th anniversary of his column he tells Eva Wiseman how, for all the controversy, what he’s really interested in is how to make long-term relationships work

Dan Savage is not easily shocked, but recently, well. A few weeks ago he got a letter. A 24-year-old man wanted advice – he’d taken his partner, bisexual, older, to meet his parents for what both thought would be the first time. Except, it turned out he’d met them a decade earlier, when he’d joined them for a threesome. On Zoom from Seattle, Savage chuckles darkly and adjusts his cap. “I was like, oh God,” he says. “It’s all my fault! I felt implicated. Because I helped create a world where middle-aged, married, straight couples can have threeways.” He shrugs. He’s right.

His advice column started as a joke; soon it cracked open, and revealed a map to new ways of living. When Savage Love launched 30 years ago in Seattle’s alternative weekly newspaper The Stranger, the idea was that a gay man – Savage, then 26 and working in a video shop – would give sex advice to straight people. “Hey Faggot!” each letter began. Early questions were easy. “Things like, what’s a butt plug? How do you give a good blowjob?” Straight people had always intuited that their gay friends knew more about sex than they did, “which is true, not because gay people are magic, but because we have to communicate about sex. Straight people get to consent and then… stop talking.” “Use your words!” he tells straights today, often. With the 1990s came the internet, and suddenly most of the answers were immediately Googlable. But the letters kept on coming. “Right away, it was no longer a ‘how to’ column but a ‘why?’ Why did they do that? Why did I do this? And what happens now?”

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‘Without what made me “me”, I’d be a shadow of myself’ – portraits of life on the autism spectrum

When photographer Mary Berridge’s son was diagnosed with Asperger’s, she began to see his world in a new light. She set out to capture a series of everyday – and exceptional – stories, one image at a time

I have been immersed in the world of autism since my son was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Graham had many of the traits of autism from when he was a baby: speech and motor skill delays, sensory sensitivities, anxiety in big social gatherings and more. He had seen professionals for evaluations, but did not get a diagnosis until he was seven.

This was a kid who had meltdowns over the sound of a blowdryer one floor up, the feel of a new shirt and the sight of a slice of cherry pie. Our lowest point was when he started refusing to enter homes he hadn’t been in before, or getting so upset at entering a restaurant that he would throw up. At least now I can sort of laugh when I think of the strangers in the grocery store who would approach him, then a cherubic toddler, and ask what his name was. “Mr Stupid Nobody,” was his reply.

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One restaurant has been a part of our family. Now we mourn its passing | Jay Rayner

We measured out the landmarks of our lives at London’s Y Ming. So long, and thanks

My family has suffered a great loss. We will still have our memories, of course, each one suffused with a warm glow. But the source of those memories? After 35 years, that has gone. We have lost our family’s restaurant: the one that was so much more than somewhere to eat out. It was where my wife and I went before the kids arrived, and when those kids were young, and when a treat was needed, and when a treat wasn’t needed, and in the last days before every Christmas, when gifts would be exchanged with the lovely staff. It was our restaurant. Farewell then to Y Ming, the brilliant, eclectic Chinese on Greek Street in London’s Soho which, after 35 years, finally closed its doors at the end of last month.

Lots of families have somewhere like this, a place where generations of customers and generations of staff accompany each other down the years. Each navigates the vagaries of fashion. Because a restaurant where families grow up together is never really about what’s new. They are about what’s reliable and what’s familiar and what makes you feel cared for. They are an extra room in the extended family home.

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I’m a dad and a gig worker. I had no choice but to keep working with a newborn

As politicians argue over paternity leave, even four paid weeks off would have made a huge difference for workers like me

Nine months ago I was not yet a bleary-eyed dad juggling work and two baby boys, but I did know a second baby was imminent. What should’ve been a happy milestone was quickly blunted by a boomeranging lament – that there would be no taking any paid parental leave for me, a gig worker.

When my first was born, just before the pandemic, I was a freelance writer in the throes of an MFA program. My wife decided it was more cost-effective to stay home with our son than return to work; soon after Covid forced everyone inside, local daycare options vanished.

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‘It feels almost naughty to leave’: For returned Australians open borders bring new dilemmas

The resumption of international travel pits new lives against old dreams for Australians who returned from overseas during the Covid-19 pandemic

To live and work overseas is a rite of passage for many Australians. Life abroad, however, took on a new sense of fragility with the rise of Covid-19. More than a million Australian citizens were forced to choose between riding out the pandemic in a foreign country, or returning to the relative safety of Australia.

Since March 2020, it is estimated about half of those living abroad chose to come back, while tens of thousands wished to return but were unable to.

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I am 16 and identify as an ace lesbian – but I don’t want to ‘come out’ to my parents | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

It sounds as if your sexuality and orientation will be no surprise to them, says Annalisa Barbieri

I am 16, and identify as an ace lesbian (NMLNM, or non-men loving non-men). I have questioned my sexuality since the age of 12 or 13, thinking I was bisexual. I downloaded TikTok, which allowed me to explore my identity more and interact with other queer young people. Until this summer, I questioned my identity multiple times a day (exhausting and not affirming), but I slowly began to feel confident in labelling myself as a demi-romantic, asexual lesbian (I like to use labels). However, that feeling didn’t last long. I felt dysphoric a lot of the time, and I hated my breasts. Fortunately, after about a month, I rediscovered the term “demigirl” and it just fitted. I am also trying out she/they pronouns, but haven’t told anyone. My gender is quite fluid – some days I feel more neutral, other days ultrafeminine.

I am open about my sexuality at school and online, and would happily tell most people that I am gay, but don’t want to “come out” to my parents. I think it’s a combination of fear, not of rejection (they are supportive of the LGBTQ+ community), and the fact that I hate the idea of having to “come out” if you are queer; I don’t want to contribute to our heteronormative society. Should I tell my parents so they have time to process it, or should I wait until I have a partner to introduce to them? Also, I feel obliged to inform them of my pronoun change, but I don’t want to be the one to teach them how to use she/they pronouns. I wish they would educate themselves. If I tell them my gender and/or sexuality, I don’t want them to perceive me differently. I know how they react is not in my control, but ideally our relationship will stay the same or improve.

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Emotional infidelity: the devastating, destructive love affairs that involve no sex at all

An affair doesn’t have to be physical to be intense – or to ruin a relationship. Guardian readers open up about bonding, betrayal and what happened next

Chloe had encouraged her husband to accept the new job. “I told him: ‘Life is too short to be unhappy.’”

The effect on him was transformative – but not in the way she had imagined. “One minute, he was a family guy, the next, he was always working late and going in early.” She found out why when she visited him one day at work.

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Baby it’s you: my fight to overcome infertility

After years of trying, Martha Hayes chose to have a child using an egg donor. It raised many painful questions. But when Maggie finally arrived it turned out she’d brought all her love with her

It’s 7pm on a weeknight when my husband Chris and I open our laptops, pour two glasses of wine and start browsing through profiles of women in their 20s. Attractive, interesting, available women. It’s the spring of 2020, we’ve been living in Los Angeles for a year (having relocated from London for work) and a couple of times a week, this has become our little routine.

I get a good feeling about a pretty blonde yoga teacher, then worry that she’s only 5ft tall. I love the idea of someone who works for Nasa, but I’m put off by her distinctive nose. I am swayed by a sense of humour and spirit for adventure; snobby about hobbies, fussy about ailments and firmly rule out anyone who resembles a party-goer on spring break. It’s an uncomfortable, confronting process. Am I really this superficial or judgmental?

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