Category Archives: Life and style

I’m an unsuccessful writer, how can I escape this feeling of despair?

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Direct your energy into your creativity and do what you want to do

The question I am a nearly 40-year-old woman and I’ve recently realised that I have no idea what would make me happy. I’m married with children and a good career. We’re financially comfortable. I have nothing to complain about. Yet beneath the surface, I feel a sort of numb despair at life. I find no joy in anything. I dislike my job and feel disconnected from my family. I sleep poorly, which doesn’t help; sometimes at night I get so angry with myself for not being able to achieve this basic human function that I wish I would just die.

The one thing I’ve always wanted in life is to be a writer. I’ve had three books brought out by a large publisher, but they were unsuccessful. So, although people say I should be proud, I see myself as a failure. I keep telling myself not to give up, but increasingly it’s hard to find a reason to keep trying. I just cling to my old dream out of habit, and because it’s a vanishing spark of hope in an otherwise grey landscape.

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‘I see people ageing – I don’t always see us’: one family, 30 years, 30 photographs

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It was a simple idea: one family, photographed at the same time every year. Zed Nelson has traced Sue and Frank’s transition from new parents to grandparents. What’s it like to see your life pass in front of you?

In the summer of 1991, photographer Zed Nelson, then 25, invited a couple of new parents he was acquainted with to visit his London studio. Oh, and bring your baby, he said. At the time he had ambitions to be a travelling photojournalist. Within the year, he would fly out on the first of a series of visits to far-flung conflict zones. But for this, Nelson had in mind a quieter, more domestic project. He set up a backdrop and lights, and he encouraged the visiting parents – a personable couple called Sue and Frank whom he’d met at a party – to pose with their newborn, Eddie. The parents held hands, wild-eyed, visibly shot through with the terror and excitement of parenthood. Eddie, weeks old, oblivious, considered his own fingers and dribbled. It might have been any other family portrait.

Except that Nelson invited Sue, Frank and Eddie back to his studio for more portraits, at the same time of year, every year, for as long as they agreed to come. He would chart the evolution of a parenting life, with Sue fixed in position on the right of the picture, Frank on the left, Eddie inching up between his mum and dad. “Same backdrop every year, same lights, same camera, same angle,” Nelson explains, thinking back over the finicky logistics of a project that has run since 1991 without interruption. “Every year I measure out the distances to the inch. It drives us all a bit mad. But we do keep coming back.”

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‘Wage theft’ in Primark, Nike and H&M supply chain – report

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No laws were broken but brands failed to ensure workers were paid properly during the pandemic, says Clean Clothes Campaign

Campaigners claim to have found evidence of “wage theft” in the supply chains of Primark, Nike and H&M in a report that outlines the devastating consequences of the pandemic on garment workers in Indonesia, Cambodia and Bangladesh.

Research by the Clean Clothes Campaign found that, while none of the brands had broken any laws, they had failed to ensure that their workers were properly paid throughout the pandemic.

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‘History’s on our side’: Turkish women fighting femicide

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As Turkey quits the Istanbul convention, Gülsüm Kav’s group We Will Stop Femicide is helping keep women alive amid a rise in gender-based violence

“History is on our side,” says Gülsüm Kav. She leans in and speaks intensely. She has a lot to say: Kav helped create Turkey’s We Will Stop Femicide (WWSF) group, and has become one of the country’s leading feminist activists even as the political environment has grown more hostile.

Amid protests, Turkey withdrew from the Istanbul convention, the landmark international treaty to prevent violence against women and promote equality, on Thursday. The Turkish president, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, has long attacked women’s rights and gender equality, suggesting that feminists “reject the concept of motherhood”, speaking out against abortion and even caesarean sections, and claiming that gender equality is “against nature”.

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‘Six chickens somehow turned into 60!’ Meet the families trying to live the Good Life in the pandemic

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Many people yearn to grow their own food and live a simpler life – but, when coronavirus hit, some decided it was now or never. Have their dreams of burgeoning veg patches and frolicking livestock come true?

On their one-acre plot of Hertfordshire countryside, Sarah Apps and Liam Armstrong live with three chickens, 59 tomato plants and – until this morning – three pigs. “It’s been an emotional day,” says Apps. They plan to get more pigs later in the summer, and next week more chickens are arriving; then ducks and a goat, a couple of turkeys for Christmas and, maybe next year, bees. Living on their own land, and becoming more self-sufficient, had been a bit of a dream for the couple, but it took the Covid pandemic to make it happen. “You just didn’t know what was going to happen,” says Apps. “Young people were dying, older people were dying … I think you really need to live for the days that you’ve got.”

When they spotted a run-down bungalow that came with an acre of land, they went for it. They had been living in Romford, East London. “We could hear the roar of the M25 and I could barely be bothered to mow the small patch of lawn we had,” says Apps. They moved in November and spent the winter creating raised vegetable beds, putting in fencing and making animal enclosures. It has been gruelling physical work – they have done it mostly by hand – moving around 30 tonnes of soil. “It was our fitness thing through lockdown,” says Apps. But now they have growing just about every type of vegetable you’d find in a well-stocked supermarket, eggs every day, and in a few days the pigs will return for the freezer. She breaks off to check on a chicken who is in their kitchen. “She’s just had a bath. She’s not very well.”

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Pregnant women in England denied mental health help because of Covid

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In 2020-21, only 31,261 out of 47,000 managed to access perinatal mental health services

Thousands of pregnant women in England were denied vital help for their mental health because of the pandemic, analysis from leading psychiatrists shows.

In 2020-21, 47,000 were expected to access perinatal mental health services to help with conditions such as anxiety and depression during or after giving birth, but only 31,261 managed to get help in the most recent data for the 2020 calendar year only, according to analysis from the Royal College of Psychiatrists.

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I haven’t cheated on my partner for over a year. As things open up, I’m worried it will happen again

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If you want to stop cheating you need to figure out why you do it, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, and that will take time, effort and help

One huge bonus of a year of lockdown and social distancing is that, for the first time in my relationship, I haven’t cheated on my partner for over a year. Women find me attractive and often flirt with me but I’ve never accepted an invitation to start an affair. Having been cheated on in the past I’m painfully aware of how the lies and deceit of an affair can make the betrayed person feel like they are going crazy, and the massive hurt that is caused when a long term affair is discovered.

Instead, when I get drunk at a party or night out, I start responding to these flirtatious behaviours and end up going home with a stranger, colleague or associate. It’s always a one-night stand and even if the other person wants it to continue I never do. Afterwards I feel terrible, give up drinking for a while and try strategies to prevent it happening again (eg mention my wife within one minute of conversation, don’t drink at festivals, impose a curfew on myself etc).

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Billions pledged to tackle gender inequality at UN forum

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Generation Equality Forum in Paris announces plans to radically speed up progress on women’s rights

Billions of pounds will be pledged to support efforts to tackle gender inequality this week at the largest international conference on women’s rights in more than 25 years.

The Generation Equality Forum, hosted in Paris by UN Women and the governments of France and Mexico, will launch plans to radically speed up progress over the next five years.

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Cameo founder on why celebrities offer video shoutouts: ‘Not all talent are motivated by cash’

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Earlier this year, shoutout service Cameo earned itself a $1bn valuation by connecting fans with their favourite celebrities. Its founder, Steven Galanis, discusses modern fandom

What do Ghostface Killa, James Van Der Beek and Carole Baskin of Tiger King fame have in common? They’re all available through Cameo, an online “shoutout” service where subscribers can book a personalised video message from a growing army of actors, athletes, entertainers and more.

The brainchild of founder Steven Galanis, Chicago-based Cameo has been around since 2017, but it was during the pandemic that it struck gold. Providing a much-needed revenue stream for performing artists hit hard by lockdown, and offering users a safe and memorable way to send some love, it boomed. Right now there are over 40,000 celebrities ready to say happy birthday to your mom, or give your boyfriend a pep talk, with roughly 1.3m messages sent last year alone.

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Honduran state responsible for trans woman’s murder – court

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Landmark ruling orders state to pay reparations, protect trans people and legalise gender change

In a landmark ruling for transgender rights, the Honduras government has been found responsible for the 2009 murder of the trans woman and activist Vicky Hernández. The ruling, at the inter-American court of human rights, was published on the 12th anniversary of Hernández’s death, and marks the first time the highest regional human rights court has held a state accountable for failing to prevent, investigate and prosecute the death of a trans person.

The court has ordered Honduras, which has the world’s highest rate of murders of trans people, to pay reparations to Hernández’s family and implement a sweeping range of measures designed to protect trans people, including anti-discrimination training for security forces and state collection of data on violence against LGBTQ+ people.

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Eat this to save the world! The most sustainable foods – from seaweed to venison

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What should we be scoffing if we want to help fight the climate crisis from our kitchens? The question has never been more important or confusing – here is a guide to help you get started

Was ever a word so misused as “sustainable”? “Healthy” comes close, and indeed the two are often bandied around together, in trite “good for you, good for the planet” taglines that often appear on foods which are anything but. The question of what we should eat to help combat climate change and environmental degradation has never been more important – nor so confusing. In July, the government will publish its National Food Strategy, based on a year-long independent review, which should shed some light on the matter. In the meantime, there are some foods which, with caveats, you can scoff with a clear conscience.

“Good eating starts at home, and one of the most important things we can do for the future of the planet is to minimise food miles – so our staples should be foods that can grow perfectly well in this country,” advises Patrick Holden, chief executive of the Sustainable Food Trust. Another basic principle is to do your best to understand the story behind what you’re eating – be it plant or animal: “If you know who produced your food, they are accountable to you, and more likely to care.”

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Being Mr Westwood: Vivienne is ‘eccentric, serious and genuine’

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Though 25 years apart in age, their ideas are locked in sync. Andreas Kronthaler, husband of the couture queen, reveals his plans for the maverick fashion house

On 21 March 2020, days before Britain’s initial lockdown, Vivienne Westwood shared her first isolation address to the nation. Royalty, of sorts, she delivered it in her trademark fashion: she spoke of saving the planet and her new manifesto, while donning couture – and surrounded by curiosities – in her south London home.

These impassioned speeches became a year-long weekly occurrence. Westwood offered anti-racism, anti-capitalism, and a stern rebuke of the arms trade; in wig, blue dress and floral-print platforms, she spoke of the need to rescue the oceans, while standing in her tiled bathtub.

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Call of the coast: an Australian stylist’s California dream home

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After years in New York, a move to Laguna Beach for a nature-lover was like coming home

Marcus Hay still clearly recalls the moment he decided to move to Laguna Beach in California. He was having lunch with his partner in a restaurant overlooking the ocean. “Everybody looked so happy and the sun was shining,” he says. “We were in our black clothes from New York and stood out like sore thumbs. But we said to ourselves: ‘This could be our future.’ After being in Manhattan for 13 years, I was ready for a sea change.”

For the Australian stylist, whose clients include American homeware brands such as CB2, West Elm and Williams Sonoma, it was also something of a throwback to his childhood. “When I grew up in Sydney, I lived right on the beach,” he says. “I used to spend a lot of my childhood fascinated with rock pools.”

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‘At first I thought, this is crazy’: the real-life plan to use novels to predict the next war

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Three years ago, a small group of academics at a German university launched an unprecedented collaboration with the military – using novels to try to pinpoint the world’s next conflicts. Are they on to something?

As the car with the blacked-out windows came to a halt in a sidestreet near Tübingen’s botanical gardens, keen-eyed passersby may have noticed something unusual about its numberplate. In Germany, the first few letters usually denote the municipality where a vehicle is registered. The letter Y, however, is reserved for members of the armed forces.

Military men are a rare, not to say unwelcome, sight in Tübingen. A picturesque 15th-century university town that brought forth great German minds including the philosopher Hegel and the poet Friedrich Hölderlin, it is also a modern stronghold of the German Green party, thanks to its left-leaning academic population. In 2018, there was growing resistance on campus against plans to establish Europe’s leading artificial intelligence research hub in the surrounding area: the involvement of arms manufacturers in Tübingen’s “cyber valley”, argued students who occupied a lecture hall that year, brought shame to the university’s intellectual tradition.

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I spy: are smart doorbells creating a global surveillance network?

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They were sold as gadgets that meant you would never miss a delivery. But now doorbell cameras – from Amazon’s Ring to Google’s Nest – are recording our every move

I have got a new doorbell. It’s brilliant. It should be; it cost £89. It’s a Ring video doorbell; you’ll have seen them around. There are others available, made by other companies, with other four-letter names such as Nest and Arlo. When someone rings my doorbell, I’m alerted on my smartphone. I can see who is there, and speak to them.

My phone is ringing! C major first inversion chord, arpeggiated, repeated, for the musically trained – you’ll recognise it if you’ve heard it. It’s a delivery. Amazon, as it happens; Amazon acquired Ring in 2018, reportedly for more than $1bn.

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‘I knew how dangerous things could become’: the perils of childbirth as a Black woman

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When she was pregnant, Anna Malaika Tubbs was thrilled – then terrified, knowing the shockingly high death rate of Black women in childbirth. Could she find a way to stay safe?

In the bathroom of a friend’s house in Washington DC, I waited anxiously for a few minutes before turning to look at the pregnancy test. It was positive. My eyes filled with tears; I was overjoyed, grateful and excited, but also very scared.

I think many parents can relate to this feeling, which seems to start as soon as we see that test result, and continues until our children are adults; we are overwhelmed with happiness for their mere existence while simultaneously terrified of the possibility of losing them. But as a Black feminist scholar, I was well aware that I had even more reason to worry.

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Vulva decor: is Cara Delevingne’s vagina tunnel the start of something big?

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The model and actor has a new household installation - a pink tunnel where she goes to think. Vulval art and design has an ancient history, but it’s becoming more popular than ever

Should you swap all your doors for a vagina tunnel? This is the pressing question raised by a video tour from the model and actor Cara Delevingne, who takes Architectural Digest around her LA home, and I believe the answer has to be “yes”. In her living room, a secret door in the mirrored panelling reveals a soft pink opening. Crawl right in, take the dog with you (Delevingne does). “I come in here to think, I come in here to create, I feel inspired in the vagina tunnel,” says Delevingne.

Delevingne, and her architect, Nicolò Bini, were inspired, she says repeatedly, by Alice in Wonderland, but this is more like a vulval version of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – the Chronicles of Labia, if you like. You climb out through a washing machine at the other end – “rebirthed and cleansed!” cries our host. The vagina’s rebirth powers are strong: Delevingne’s terrier goes in, and comes out a husky. The theme continues through the rest of the house: there is a floral display in her bedroom (“This lovely bouquet of vagina flowers”) and a “pussy palace”, a tactile pink suedette-lined secret room complete with swing and mirrored ceiling.

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Mystery of the wheelie suitcase: how gender stereotypes held back the history of invention

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Why have some brilliant innovations – from rolling luggage to electric cars – taken so long to come to market? Macho culture has a lot to answer for

In 1972 an American luggage executive unscrewed four castors from a wardrobe and fixed them to a suitcase. Then he put a strap on his contraption and trotted it gleefully around his house.

This was how Bernard Sadow invented the world’s first rolling suitcase. It happened roughly 5,000 years after the invention of the wheel and barely one year after Nasa managed to put two men on the surface of the moon using the largest rocket ever built. We had driven an electric rover with wheels on a foreign heavenly body and even invented the hamster wheel. So why did it take us so long to put wheels on suitcases? This has become something of a classic mystery of innovation.

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