Who hasn’t eaten chocolate spread straight out of the jar, and mistaken it for love? | Grace Dent

‘Although the pandemic has been cruel and frightening in a thousand ways, one tiny, shining light of joy is how it has permitted us time off from trying to be better’

It’s your final chance to see me in this shoddy state: there are going to be some changes. A sleeker, brighter, better, post-pandemic me is coming out of lockdown. Yes, “data not dates”, our prime minister did warn us, but regardless, the date I’m focusing on is 12 April, the earliest outdoor dining can begin again – and the data I see whenever I step near the scales can be extrapolated thus: “Reduce refined carbohydrate now. No more comté and Heinz sandwich spread toasties with a Frazzle garnish in bed. The new world is beginning.”

This will, I fear, feature the need to wear button-up pants and to have fewer boobs on my back than on my front. If the sharp increase in forlorn, beginner-level joggers and power-walkers down at my local park is any indication, I’m not alone in this panic. One of my closest friends, also in his 40s, embarked on a strict Atkins plan as soon as the road map dates were unveiled. Or, more accurately, as soon as he realised that even his smart, lace-up shoes no longer fitted. “How … how have I gained weight on my toes?!”

Some of us are intensely relaxed about the extra Covid kilos; indeed, they’ve embraced their jiggle, wobble and wattle with aplomb. By God, I wish I were one of them. Body positivity, I have argued before in this newspaper, is almost always a Generation Z and millennial notion. Then there are people such as myself, Generation X, who find photos of 55-year-old Liz Hurley in a size-6 bikini deeply triggering. We knew the calorific value of a Ryvita and a tablespoon of cottage cheese by the age of 12, and have a slightly-too-snug formal outfit hanging eternally on our bedroom door with a deadline to drop five kilos via restriction and star jumps.

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Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room 

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina. Jane started laughing, explaining she had bought one to see what the fuss was about. I won the quiz, and the candle was my prize; Jane sent it to me the next day. The candle, made of soy wax and essential oils, is apparently so named because Paltrow was joking with Goop’s perfumer, Douglas Little. According to the marketing blurb: “The two were working on a fragrance, and she blurted out, ‘Uhhh… this smells like a vagina.’”

A few weeks later, I decided to light it. I live in a tiny one-bed flat in London with my partner, David, and our two cats. I love scented candles and throughout the latest lockdown, their warming flame and fragrance have given me a little joy in the evenings.

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‘It’s wild!’ Carey Mulligan and Emerald Fennell on making Oscars history

Promising Young Woman’s five nods include the first for a female British director. Its star and writer-director discuss telling women’s stories, tackling difficult subjects – and feeling shellshocked

Promising Young Woman is audacious from the off. A genre-bending revenge thriller, it ricochets between romcom and horror to radical and unsettling effect. Carey Mulligan plays Cassie, a medical school drop-out traumatised by the assault of her best friend. By day, she works in a coffee shop; by night, she fakes blackout drunkenness in bars. If “nice guys” take advantage, Cassie snaps open her sober eyes to teach them a lesson.

The film made history this week, landing five Oscars nominations: picture, editing and actress (Mulligan’s second run at the award), as well as original screenplay and director for Emerald Fennell. With her debut feature, Fennell has become the first British woman to be nominated for the director prize. This is the first year in which two women (Fennell and Nomadland’s Chloe Zhou) are in the running; they are only the sixth and seventh women to be shortlisted.

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Monkeys and eggplants: how do men and women use emojis differently?

Studies have pointed to a gender gap and dating coaches agree – but researchers’ findings don’t always match stereotypes

It’s 2021, and despite some great advances in space exploration, we are no closer to really knowing whether men are from Mars and women are from Venus. In fact, the growing consensus is that we’re all from Earth, and people are more complex than we usually give them credit for.

But what if there were a way of unlocking some of the hidden trends that exist among men and women, which reveal how they think, see themselves and communicate? And what if it were ... emojis?

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‘The time for men to step up is right now!’: what all men can do to help end violence against women

Over the past week, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. Is it time for men to join the fight to dismantle the culture that allows this violence to flourish? A panel of male experts on masculinity and violence against women explain the vital steps men can take

In the wake of the killing of Sarah Everard, and the wider concerns about gender-based violence, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. And the myriad ways they have tried to protect themselves from this. Men have, for the most part, listened. Now – given that violence against women and girls is primarily a male-perpetrated crime – is it time more men actively joined the fight against it? The Guardian convened a round table of experts to ask what men can do to help effect change among their friends and family, and in their workplaces.

Luke Hart of CoCo Awareness. In 2017, Hart’s father murdered his wife, Claire, and their daughter, Charlotte. Days earlier, Claire and Charlotte had left the family home after a lifetime of coercive control and abuse. Luke and his brother Ryan are now anti-abuse activists: This week, and Everard’s death, really took me back to what happened to my family. I feel deeply sorry for Everard’s family; it’s hard when things take on a life of their own and you just want to grieve. Events become something that other people feel they have ownership of. I remember, after my mother and sister died, some of the media reporting made me and my brother angry, to the point where we had to shut ourselves away. I remember one report saying that what my dad did was “understandable”. We started to despair. So I think this has to be a moment to remember Everard’s family because it’s so difficult when something you’re going through becomes public property.

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How we met: ‘My twin sister joked she wished she’d kept him for herself’

Amy and Richard Caterina, 56 and 60, met at a party in 1987. They became a couple a few months later, after a case of mistaken identity, and now live in Del Mar, California

Amy Scease was living in Boston, Massachusetts, with her identical twin, Becky, in 1987. “That winter, she invited me to a party in this old loft,” she remembers. When they arrived, Amy spotted a good-looking man in a brown leather jacket. He introduced himself as Richard, and the pair hit it off. “We went out to the roof to talk all night because it was noisy,” he says. She discovered he was from San Diego and they both worked in banks. “There are so many jerks out there. When you meet someone nice you want to see them again,” she says. But as the party drew to a close, one of Becky’s friends threw his arm around Amy, and Richard made the assumption they were a couple.

Thinking nothing would happen between them, he left. “When I told my sister I didn’t have his number, she said I was an idiot,” Amy says. “I ran outside to find him, but he had disappeared.” The next week she tried calling the bank he worked at, but with so many Richards working there it was impossible to find him. “I thought that was that,” she says.

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Nervous about socialising again? Here’s how to handle the end of lockdown

After a year of Zoom calls and social distancing, we will soon be able to start mingling with friends and work colleagues again. Experts reveal what to do if the very idea brings you out in a cold sweat

If the limit of your conversational prowess this past year has been to grunt through Zoom meetings, discuss dinner plans with your flatmate, nag your children or make passive-aggressive comments to the cat, you may feel out of practice now that large gatherings look tantalisingly within reach. Perhaps you’ve quite enjoyed this period of government-mandated introversion, and dread the idea that you may be expected to socialise. Either way, if all goes according to plan, this era of social distancing may be starting to close. For those feeling a little daunted, here’s how to ease yourself back in.

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Going through the motions: the rise and rise of stool-gazing

Locked down and worrying about our wellbeing, more and more of us have been looking for clues in what we leave in the toilet. Are we wasting our time?

I was minding my own business on a lockdown walk when I saw the advert on the side of a bus shelter. It featured seven shiny pink shapes. Were those sex toys, I wondered, interspersed with puddles of Angel Delight? Only when I read the captions (“The smooth criminal, the smashed avo, the poonami; London, how do you poo?”) did I realise what I was looking at.

These, it turned out, were visual metaphors for assorted types of stool. And of course, in the Instagram era, they were millennial pink. Literally polished turds, they were part of a campaign by The Gut Stuff, a startup that has the strapline: “Empowering gut health in everyone”.

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Readers reply: is the world getting smellier?

The long-running series in which readers answer other readers’ questions on subjects ranging from trivial flights of fancy to profound scientific and philosophical concepts

When you spray perfume, there’s a smell, but then it dissipates. But surely if everyone is spraying perfume, and making other smells, the world must be accumulating smells. Does the world in general have an odour? And is it getting more potent?
Jade Bulteel, Shropshire

Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com.

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‘It can leave your self-image fractured’: how hair loss hits men – and what they can do about it

Michael Segalov is only 27, but already fears baldness isn’t far off. He talks to experts and scientists about hopes for a hirsute future

My dad is bald, and always has been. He’s had a shiny, hairless head with some growth protruding around the edges for the 27 or so years that I’ve been around. Throughout my childhood, his father always had the same carefully crafted combover – grey locks pulled forward neatly hid the tanned, hairless crown which sat underneath.

Mum’s dad – my Grandpa Oskar – just had a giant forehead for as long as anyone can remember: rear bushy follicles formed what could generously be described as a highly pronounced widow’s peak. Mum’s two brothers are the only other older male blood relations in my immediate family. They’ve both fared better. Receding? Yes. But still, hair is hair.

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‘The ketamine blew my mind’: can psychedelics cure addiction and depression?

This week sees the opening of the first UK high-street clinic offering psychedelic-assisted therapy. Could popping psilocybin be the future of mental healthcare?

In the summer of 1981, when he was 13, Grant crashed a trail motorbike into a wall at his parents’ house in Cambridgeshire. He’d been hiding it in the shed, but “it was far too powerful for me, and on my very first time starting it in the garden, I smashed it into a wall”. His mother came outside to find the skinny teenager in a heap next to the crumpled motorbike. “I was in a lot of trouble.”

Grant hadn’t given this childhood memory much thought in the intervening years, but one hot August day in 2019, it came back to him with such clarity that, at 53, now a stocky father of two, he suddenly understood it as a clue to his dangerously unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

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Dopamine dressing: Australian fashion insiders on the clothes that make them happiest

Feelgood fashion from a ‘pro-science, pro-Dolly’ T-shirt to a ‘surprisingly powerful’ necktie

The idea of ‘dopamine dressing’ – wearing clothes that make you feel happier, has been around for several years, but it has reached new heights of relevance in 2021 as we continue to go out less, and feel rotten more often.

Feelgood clothes are often reduced to aesthetics – pieces that are bright, poppy or overtly joyful. But an outfit doesn’t have to scream happiness in order to provoke it.

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Jealousy is a curse, turkeys are just big chickens … what Guardian readers learned from their mums

Ahead of Mother’s Day, readers share the best piece of life advice they got from their mums

My mum used to tell me that the best way to make friends was to find a hobby. She said it’s the easiest and simplest way to find people who will become lifelong friends – and she was right. Two weeks before lockdown in 2020, I joined a CrossFit gym with much trepidation, but it was the best thing I’ve ever done. The people who are part of the gym have lifted me up, kept me going and been there through thick and thin this past year – albeit virtually, mostly. I’ve made real friends who’ve checked in on me when I’ve been down or shared walks and giggles when we’ve been allowed. Thanks, Mum. Sarah Wolf, media officer, Frome, Somerset

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Europe doubles down on cycling in post-Covid recovery plans

Success of schemes during pandemic has led many cities to plan vastly expanded bike networks

When the coronavirus pandemic led to global lockdowns a year ago, hundreds of cities reconfigured their streets to make walking and cycling easier to aid social distancing and reduce air pollution. Now, with an end to the lockdowns in sight, the measures have proved so successful that cities across Europe are betting on the bicycle to lead the recovery.

According to the European Cyclists’ Federation (ECF), the continent’s cities spent €1bn on Covid-related cycling measures in 2020, creating at least 600 miles (1,000km) of cycle lanes, traffic calming measures and car-free streets.

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Come True review – blow-out imagery in visionary sleep disorder thriller

An insomniac student is haunted by a demonic figure in this flamboyant and stylised waking dream of a film

There is something visionary about this near-nonsensical, kitsch but atmospheric techno-thriller from Canadian director Anthony Scott Burns. Drawn along on dark somnambulic rhythms, it incorporates elements of fantasy, horror and 80s synthwave aesthetics without giving itself over completely to any of them.

A wordless first 10 minutes introduces us to Sarah (Julia Sarah Stone), a runaway student apparently unwelcome or unwilling to return home, waking in spectrally lit parks and falling asleep in coffee shops. Dropping suddenly into surrealistic CGI dreams that track inexorably towards a demonic figure who, if approached too closely, wakes her with a start. Sarah decides to try and climb out of this insomniac bath by enrolling in a university sleep study. It is overseen by Dr Meyer, a Cronenbergian academic in big glasses, but run by a trio of researchers who, like the memory technicians in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, have a loose relationship with scientific protocol. Becoming close to Jeremy (Landon Liboiron), she learns that they are using pioneering technology to observe the subjects’ dreams – and that the same shadowy presence manifests in all of them.

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‘For women, it’s behind enemy lines!’ Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe on their parenting podcast

It began as a way to moan about the pandemic – or avoid childcare. Now Lockdown Parenting Hell is downloaded 2m times a month. The comedians chat fatherhood, burnout – and dreaming of the pub

Like many comedians, Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett found themselves without an outlet when the pandemic struck. And so, like many comedians, they decided to make a podcast. Theirs – Lockdown Parenting Hell – has become one of the most popular in the country, mining the stresses of everything from twins, tantrums and building a trampoline to the tune of more than 15m downloads.

Beckett has two young children with his wife, Louise Watts, while Widdicome and his wife, Rose Hanson, have one, with another on the way. Each week, the pair interview a celebrity (past guests have included Michael Sheen, Philippa Perry and Paddy McGuinness) while sharing stories about their upended domestic lives. It is fast, fun and, at times, genuinely touching. Here, they share their thoughts on their pandemic pastime.

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‘Hydration is a simple thing’: has the quest to improve water actually worked?

From alkaline waters to beauty elixirs, added oxygen and probiotics, many brands claim they have ‘enhanced’ water – but what do the experts think?

Today, when I woke up, I made myself a cup of warm lemon water. After lunch I dropped a Berocca into a glass to power me through the afternoon haze. Running errands I considered treating myself to a Coke but opted instead for an expensive, vegetable-tasting water.

H2O classic may be a prerequisite to all known forms of life, but countless brands insist they have found ways to “improve” water. From a business standpoint, it’s working. Industry researchers IbisWorld estimate Australia’s “functional beverage” industry is worth $445.6m; and as people become more health conscious, the growth of the sector is outpacing the economy overall.

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Chanel channels Stella Tenant’s chic androgyny in Paris tribute

Designer Virginie Viard combines late British model’s allure with après-ski wear and nightclub glamour

In a filmed catwalk show at Paris fashion week, Chanel has paid tribute to Stella Tennant, the British supermodel who was a muse and model of the house for several decades before her sudden death in December.

A monochrome tweed kilt worn over woollen leggings, and bright Fair Isle-style knits teamed with Oxford bag trousers and flat shoes, were among several looks that took inspiration from the elegantly androgynous chic of Tennant, a catwalk star who was most at home in the Scottish countryside.

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Afghan TV station ‘can’t hire women’ over security fears after four killed

Government blamed for not ensuring safety as broadcaster’s female staff told to stay home after attacks by Isis

A radio and television broadcaster in eastern Afghanistan that has had four of its female employees murdered since December has said it will not hire any more women until security in the country improves.

The broadcaster, Enikass Radio and Television, has also told all female employees to work from home. Islamic State (Isis) has claimed responsibility for killing all four women, but Enikass also blames the Afghan government for not providing adequate security.

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