10 ways to use up leftover milk – from potato gratin to magic custard cake

The UK throws away 330,000 tonnes of milk each year – and there is no need for the waste. Here is how to use it to make soup, yoghurt and even polish

Those of us concerned with food waste – and, not to finger-wag, that should be all of us – might want to pay close attention to our milk stocks. A 2018 report suggested that the UK throws out £150m of milk every single year. That’s 330,000 tonnes of the stuff, a whopping 7% of all the milk produced in the country. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Some clever forward-thinking can massively reduce the amount of leftover milk we have. And these ideas are exactly where we should start.

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‘People want imperfection’: Hiam Abbass on Succession, Ramy and playing complex women

She is enigmatic Marcia Roy in Succession, but as the Egyptian-American mother in the award-winning Ramy, she’s a hoot. The Palestinian actor examines her many-layered roles

You would be hard pressed to find two TV characters in 2021 with less in common than Marcia Roy and Maysa Hassan. The former is the enigmatic, sophisticated wife of billionaire patriarch Logan Roy in the HBO hit Succession. While the series is dominated by huge personalities, she is a mysterious presence – albeit one who is despised by Logan’s children. The latter, on the other hand, is an open book – the unfiltered, sometimes offensively so, Egyptian-American mother of the title character in the Golden Globe-winning comedy Ramy.

But they are played by the same actor, Hiam Abbass, whose ability to switch from calamity to calm speaks to a varied career across theatre, cinema and, latterly, award-winning television series. Though she has lived in Paris since the late 80s, the Palestinian actor was born in Nazareth, Israel, and started her career with the then-burgeoning Palestinian National Theatre, El-Hakawati. Though the company toured Europe, it was far from an easy existence back at home. “The Israeli authorities didn’t like all of the activities happening at our theatre,” explains Abbass, a warm presence who is fluent in English, Arabic, French and Hebrew. “They would come in and close it down. Part of my work there was dealing with how, politically, we could stay open. Travelling to Europe opened my eyes a little to the possibility of breathing some different air. It was hard to work all the time to justify your being.”

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My porn life: what my years as a sex writer taught me about my desires

Tracy Clark-Flory spent years as a reporter embedded in the porn world. Here, she shares how it shaped her own sexuality

I was in a warehouse in Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley, anxiously scribbling in my reporter’s notebook while waiting for a porn shoot to begin.

Charles Dera, a performer with jet-black hair and a well-groomed beard to match, crouched in front of me, stretching his calves. Tommy Gunn, a performer named after his biceps, sat on the floor flipping through a release form. He hopped to a stand and asked to borrow my pen.

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The joy of pancakes: 10 top chefs on their favourite recipes – from apple crepes to duck dosa

Pancake day is upon us, but don’t feel restricted to sugar and lemon juice. Celebrated chefs, including Heston Blumenthal and Ravinder Bhogal, share their suggestions

There’s no better way to start the day than pancakes – and tomorrow they are practically compulsory. If you’re an old hand looking for new ideas, you’ll find sweet and savoury suggestions below from everyone from Heston Blumenthal to Ella Mills. But before we talk toppings and infusions, here’s how to make the classic Shrove Tuesday treat.

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How a Spanish town pioneered dolls with Down’s syndrome

The town of Onil has changed the lives of children everywhere

The first time Kelle Hampton glimpsed a doll with Down’s syndrome, anger boiled up inside her. Its exaggerated features bore little resemblance to the sweet facial characteristics that she loved about her daughter Nella, who was born with the genetic disorder.

The experience set the US blogger and author firmly against such dolls. But to her surprise, years later she found herself smitten with another doll. This time it had been carefully crafted to subtly capture the characteristics that made Nella unique. “This one was simply a beautiful doll any child would want to play with,” she said.

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‘I never imagined it would be so long’: the couples kept apart by Covid rules

Many long-distance couples are spending Valentine’s Day apart because of travel restrictions

Helen Riddle’s husband, Tim, hasn’t been home in almost a year. He left the UK in March last year for what was supposed to be two weeks, and Covid-19 measures have prevented his return. His Christmas presents wait for him under the tree their three children insist on keeping up until he gets back.

Tim is a pilot who flies medical equipment around the world. Though he has lived in Hong Kong for the past six years, he would normally come home every six to eight weeks. Before he left again in March, Helen says they begged him not to go but he had no choice but to return to work. “At that point I thought: ‘We’re not going to see him for a while,’ but I never, ever imagined it would be as long as it has been.”

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Video chats and distanced picnics: how we caught the love bug in lockdown

Dating in a pandemic has very different challenges, as these brave adventurers discovered

For Martina Piercy, 54, an occupational therapist from Wellington in Somerset, going into lockdown at the start of a new relationship was “really upsetting”. “We had been dating for six to eight weeks before the pandemic started, so the idea of either living with Tony or not seeing him was difficult,” she said.

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I’m thinking of asking a work colleague out for a romantic walk

How should I go about making my move? Strange times indeed, says Mariella Frostrup, but who says romance is dead?

The dilemma A colleague I have had my eye on in the office was recently promoted, meaning we are now equals in the company. Along with working remotely at the moment, this has made me wonder if now the right time is to ask her out (so far as we can date anyone right now), away from the glare of our small company. I have always ruled it out but when I date other girls, she is always in the back of my mind, which has led me to think I need to give it a go. When I became suddenly ill last year, it was her I thought of in my hospital bed as I wondered what I would regret, even though I was in a relationship with someone else. I do feel worried though, as I’m very inexperienced for someone my age. I was thinking of asking if she wants to go for a lockdown walk first, and seeing what happens after a few walks and messages. Can you give me some advice on workplace relationships, particularly in the circumstances?

Mariella replies Strange circumstances indeed. First, may I congratulate you on waiting until you were of equal stature in the workplace before making your move? How very evolved and modern. In other ways you’re an old-fashioned guy. As your dilemma aptly demonstrates, these are challenging times for the singleton, the ranks of whom will have swelled considerably with anyone not already hooked or bubbled-up nearly one long year ago likely to still be on their own. If you didn’t have a partner last March it is more than likely you’re stuck with, at best, a virtual one at this point.

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Taking dating lessons from my daughter: ‘Flirting is being present in the moment’

It was coming up to Christmas and I asked my grown daughter what she wanted. She said, ‘What I want for you is to find love again’

It was something that hadn’t crossed my mind to want for myself. I was 65 and amicably separated from her father. Our marriage had lost its mojo long before; there had been struggle and frustration, and she had witnessed that.

I replied, “Darling, I’ve got a great life! I travel, I do interesting work, I’ve got great friends, I’m content.” She said, “No, I want you to love again.” It turned out that she’d spoken to my friends who’d known me for decades, and they had told her what I was like in my 20s: that I was an incredible flirt, that I was vivacious, that I was confident around men. She said, “I haven’t seen that part of you.”

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When you can’t quit a crush

Falling head over heels in love is one thing, but if it becomes all-consuming you may be in ‘limerance’

A few years ago I was at my university’s library, frantically refreshing a dating app. Under my crush’s photo there was a location setting that told me how far she was from me. “One mile away!” I felt a surge of adrenaline and my mind started racing.

I was a promoter for a gay nightclub in London’s Soho, which was where I met Lucy. I’d drop my flyers on purpose and she’d help me pick them up. We had been on a few dates and were making plans to meet again. Then we came across each other on a dating app – “Fancy seeing you here!” – and matched as a joke. Even though dating apps were probably unreliable in their geolocation abilities, suddenly I could gauge her distance from me.

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How Kamala Harris made wearing pearls cool

As the pearl’s standing increases with that of women, a progressive new generation is reimagining Margaret Thatcher’s one-time trademark

The pearl, insignia of traditional femininity and conservative values, has swung to the left, becoming the badge of the US’s new Democrat establishment. Kamala Harris, the vice-president, has made pearl necklaces her trademark, teaming them on the campaign trail with Converse trainers rather than twinsets. At last month’s inauguration, Jill Biden’s dress had a pearl-embroidered collar, while Jennifer Lopez performed wearing cuffs of Chanel pearls on both wrists. A Facebook group encouraging women around the US to wear pearls on the day to honour Harris’s accomplishments drew a membership of 350,000. The poet Amanda Gorman, star of the ceremony, continued the trend by wearing a crown of pearls for her appearance at the Super Bowl this week.

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Japanese lose taste for Valentine’s ‘obligation chocs’ under Covid

Growing numbers of women ditch giri choco custom of ‘forced giving’ of gifts to senior male colleagues

Shifting gender politics and the coronavirus have combined to spell the possible end of the Japanese Valentine’s Day custom of women giving chocolates to male colleagues.

Traditionally, women are expected to buy gift-wrapped chocolates for the men in their working lives – usually senior colleagues and others who have helped them during the course of the year – as part of a tradition called giri choco, literally “obligation chocolates”.

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‘We are desperate for human contact’: people breaking lockdown for sex

For nearly 12 months, single people have been unable to form new relationships. With their chances to start a family or find love slipping away, many are now ignoring the rules

Last summer, shortly after the first lockdown was relaxed enough to allow strangers to meet outdoors, Rosie, 35, an editor based in London, joined a man for a first date on Hampstead Heath. “He said: ‘I brought some wine with me, but the glasses are in my flat, round the corner.’ I’d only met him for an hour. Even in normal times, I wouldn’t be up for that.” She can’t be entirely sure if he was suggesting an illicit drink or a very quick-off-the-bat shag, but it wasn’t a dilemma, at least. “Maybe people’s pheromones have gone funny,” Rosie says, “or maybe I secretly have Covid and can’t smell anyone properly, but I’ve had more smouldering frisson at the supermarket than I have on a date. I’ve had sex just four times since March.”

For nearly a year, give or take the odd month, the rules introduced to fight the spread of coronavirus mean that, in England, sex between single people, or established couples who don’t cohabit, has in effect been either illegal, or against regulations, or only allowed outdoors. To give that a sense of scale, 40% of people – rising to 71% among 16- to 29-year-olds – don’t live in a couple.

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I found peace in an unexpected corner of the internet: nun Twitter

Religious Twitter brings together nuns, monks, bishops and rabbis too and it may have something to teach us

There is a Rumi poem – it is my favourite. “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,” writes the 13th-century mystic, “there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

I feel this way about religious Twitter.

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Red alert: 17 scorchingly good recipes with chillies – from tom yum soup to vodka

Whether it’s squid salad, pork belly or a chocolate cake, almost anything can be jazzed up with some heat. Here are some fabulous recipes from top chefs

Chillies come in such a bewildering array of shapes and colours these days that it doesn’t pay to be too specific: if a recipe calls for a particular sort, you are bound to be unable to find it. In any case, the difference between any two chillies is largely a matter of heat, and heat is largely a matter of taste. So forget about size or colour (green ones are generally hotter than red, but then they turn red anyway if you leave them sitting about) or intimidating varietal names such as yellow death-inducing toxin. Just taste one. If it’s not hot enough, use two or three. If it’s too hot, scrape out the seeds and, specifically, the white membrane they’re attached to, which is the hottest bit.

The most obvious thing to make with chilli is probably chilli, and the least obvious person to rely on for a solid, no-nonsense chilli con carne recipe is probably Heston Blumenthal. Nevertheless, I make his version almost exclusively. While it’s about as fussy as you’d imagine, it’s also pretty forgiving. The fragata pimiento piquillo peppers he tells you to add at the end, for example: I never have any – I don’t even really know what they are – so I just skip that bit, and it’s fine. The spiced butter is the most labour-intensive aspect, and the most counterintuitive, containing as it does ketchup, marmite, Worcestershire sauce and, well, butter. But it makes all the difference.

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‘I get better sleep’: the people who quit social media

Soo Youn is considering giving up the apps. She speaks to those who have already taken the plunge – with liberating results

My memory and recall are alarmingly good – borderline photographic. But when I used Instagram, I found it would short-circuit my recall in an alarming way. I’d be describing something mid-sentence and I’d just stop speaking, unable to finish. So I rarely use it.

But my attention span – and my posture, eyes and sleep – are still being degraded by other technology and my dependence on it. In my pandemic life, technology is a lifeline – 90% of my social and work life happens on one of four screens.

I’m flirting with the idea of giving up social media and maybe even ... texts. I am fascinated by people like Justine Haupt, a quantum communications engineer who has never owned a smartphone. She also builds and sells rotary cellphones. Yes, rotary cellphones.

What would my life be like if getting in touch with people required me to communicate with purpose, memorize numbers again, and dial with my fingers, instead of, accidentally, my butt?

For my sake – and yours – I sought inspiration from people who have already crossed into a more analog life.

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The forever ponytail: woman shares ordeal after using Gorilla Glue on her hair

Tessica Brown has gained a captive audience on TikTok and Instagram after mistakenly using super-strength adhesive on her hair

“Stiff where?” Tessica Brown asked TikTok, one week ago, before the world was aware of her struggle. “My hair,” she finished.

And stiff it has been, for more than a month now, as Brown continues battling against what so far seems to be an irreversible decision: mistakenly using Gorilla Glue to hold her hairstyle in place.

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Moufida Tlatli, first Arab woman to direct a feature film, dies aged 73

Tunisian director of multi-award-winning The Silences of the Palace broke the mould with films about the trauma suffered by generations of women

Moufida Tlatli, the pioneering Tunisian film-maker hailed as the first Arab woman to direct a feature film, has died aged 73. News media said that she died on Sunday, with the news confirmed by the Tunisian ministry of culture.

Tlatli remains best known for her breakthrough 1994 feature The Silences of the Palace, a lyrical study of a woman’s return to an abandoned royal residence, which tackled the themes of exploitation and trauma as experienced across generations of Arab women. It won a string of international awards, including the Sutherland trophy at the London film festival for the most “original and imaginative” film of the year, and was named as one of Africa’s 10 best films by critic and director Mark Cousins. The film was inspired by her mother’s difficult life; in 2001, Tlatli told the Guardian she “was riven with guilt … It was so insupportable, exhausting, suffocating.”

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‘I thought buying things would make me feel better. It didn’t’: The rise of emotional spending

Many of us are living for the buzz of the doorbell – spending billions we can’t afford on stuff we don’t need. Here is how to recognise the problem and regain control

In the past fortnight, I have bought the following items online: a hideous cat tree that takes up most of my living room, a lavender pillow spray, two scarves, a pair of gloves, two candles, a sheet mask, a pair of fleece-lined jogging bottoms (so comfy!), a card-holder and an under-eye brightening cream. None of these purchases were essential. Many I haven’t even taken out of the packaging, leaving them in a pile by the front door.

Ten months into the pandemic, I know the rhythms of the courier networks better than I know my menstrual cycle. Royal Mail in the morning; DPD and Hermes in the afternoon. Amazon comes any time, including late at night. DPD couriers insist on taking a photo of you with the package, mortifyingly. I wonder where these photos go: me in a food-stained tracksuit, dirty-haired, holding an armful of packages I can’t remember ordering with an abashed smile. I pray they never see the light of day.

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