Category Archives: Life and style

I reclaimed my birth name – and discovered why what we call ourselves really matters

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For the first 25 years of my life everyone called me Mandy – and it felt completely wrong

My name is Camilla, so why, for the first 25 years of my life, did everyone call me Mandy? My Jamaican mother loathed the name Camilla. She said my Nigerian father chose the name, but she thought Camilla sounded too damn serious and upper-class. And she was right. Growing up in Luton in the 70s and 80s, there weren’t too many Camillas knocking about the council estates of Bedfordshire. My friends’ names were plain and simple. They were called Debbie, Tracey, Jean. They were easy on the ear. Or their names were culturally appropriate – Jyoti, Shabana, Patience. But Camilla? It might have been the name written on my birth certificate, but my mother had other ideas. She had a plan. And it was hatched in the months after my birth – a new name.

But there were caveats. Unlike Camilla, the new name had to be popular, jolly and understated, with preferably two syllables. So, she drew up a list of potentials: Donna, Paula, Charmaine, Joanne. Then bingo, she came up with the name: Mandy. Not Amanda, but Mandy. Plain. Simple. Easy on the ear, Mandy. Camilla wasn’t changed by deed poll, instead, my unofficial “new name” seeped into everyday life. Mandy seamlessly embedded itself on to the register at primary and secondary school, university and around the water cooler. The name Camilla became a relic of the past, a family joke, dragged out at Christmas like eggnog.

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‘The day I left was the saddest of my life’: EU nationals on the pain of leaving UK

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They miss the trees, the curry, the friends … but most of all, they miss feeling the UK was somewhere they could call home

Everyone misses something. For some, it’s quite specific: PG Tips, Branston pickle, proper curry. For many, it’s more intangible: the atmosphere of an English pub; that greenness, everywhere; tolerance; and British openness.

Then they pause. Actually, many formerly British-resident EU nationals say, what they miss is an idea. Or, to be precise, the idea of Britain they had before 24 June 2016: all of them remember, in painful, pin-sharp detail, how they felt, and what they did, the morning after.

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Cold baths, cherry juice and sleep: the secret to staying fit in your 40s

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Despite aching backs and stiff joints, a growing number of elite athletes – from Zlatan Ibrahimović to Serena Williams – are pushing the clock back. So why can’t you? We ask the experts how to do it


Six years ago it looked as if Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s footballing career was approaching the final whistle. After Sweden’s early exit from Euro 2016, the striker announced his retirement from international competition. At 34, he was getting on a bit for an elite athlete. Cut to November 2021 and, days after firing in a spectacular free-kick for his club, AC Milan, Sweden’s record goalscorer was helping keep alive his country’s hopes of making the next World Cup. The retirement chat was over. “I am trying to prove that 40 is just a number,” he said.

Ibrahimovic had joined what feels like a growing club: the quadragenarian athlete holding back the clock. In an era of ever more punishing professional sport, these twilight stars seem to challenge notions that youth trumps all else. Members include American football superstar Tom Brady (44), the tennis legends Venus and Serena Williams (41, 40), Roger Federer (40), and Oksana Chusovitina (46), the eight-time Olympic gymnast from Uzbekistan.

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Experience: I survived a Nazi massacre

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That night was unquestionably the worst I’ve experienced during my 100 years on this earth

I was born in Budapest in 1921 and was living there when war broke out. I received my army call-up in May 1943; at the time, Hungary was one of the Axis powers and had been fighting the Soviet Union on the eastern front for the past two years. I received basic military training but, because I was Jewish, I wasn’t given a regular uniform. Instead, I was conscripted into a labour corps and sent with 3,600 others to the mines in Bor, Serbia, which provided copper for the German army.

The labour camps were harsh environments, but I spoke good German and was able to secure a job as a stoker on a train that carried rocks from the mine, which meant I managed to stay warm. In September 1944, the approach of the Russian army led to the hurried closure of the mine and, to our delight, we learned we were to head back to Hungary, accompanied by the Hungarian guards from the camp.

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Did I just pay someone to bash me up? The horror of a rough massage | Brigid Delaney

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She pulled my hair, attacked my ear lobes and pounded me with all her might. How was this helping my back?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that an author who hands in her manuscript must be in want of a good physiotherapist.

After more than two years working on a book about Stoicism, my body had calcified around my laptop. My joints were always stiff and sore, sleep was unrefreshing and one shoulder had moved inches up towards my ear, as if I were perpetually holding a telephone receiver in the crook of my neck.

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How Covid killed the one-night stand – and made us all kinkier

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There has been a sharp drop in one-off encounters, researchers say, but more people are enjoying friends with benefits and getting experimental in bed

A one-night stand, people used to say, is like a short story: if it is any good, you want it to go on for longer; if it isn’t, you could have done with 15 minutes’ more sleep. To which the retort is: sure – but a lot of people really like short stories.

A lot of people, in the pre-pandemic days, used to really like one-night stands, too. The sex therapist Jenny Keane hosts a wide-ranging sex chat through her Instagram account. On it, one woman wrote appreciatively: “The sex is purely focused on pleasure. You’re not thinking about your relationship dynamics, them not doing the dishes. It’s about being served and cared for physically. It can be a very empowering and beautiful thing.”

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Taming the Garden review – fascinating study of a billionaire’s destructive folly

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Salomé Jashi’s film follows the journey of hundreds of mature trees as they are uprooted across Georgia to populate a rich man’s garden

Like a sad, greedy king in some fairytale or parable, the Georgian billionaire and former prime minister Bidzina Ivanishvili set out, six years ago, to buy and uproot hundreds of magnificent mature trees and transport them at colossal expense and difficulty across Georgia to be transplanted in his own huge private garden. It sometimes involves taking a tree by water, along the Black Sea coast – a truly surreal image.

Salomé Jashi’s fascinating and deadpan film shows, in a series of tableau-type shots, the effect that these purchases are having up and down the land. Local workers squabble among themselves at the dangerous, strenuous, but nonetheless lucrative job of digging them up. The landowners and communities brood on the sizeable sums of money they are getting paid and Ivanishvili’s promises that roads will also be built. But at the moment of truth, they are desolate when the Faustian bargain must be settled and the huge, ugly haulage trucks come to take their trees away in giant “pots” of earth, as if part of their natural soul is being confiscated. (Surely at least some of these trees will have died en route, although this is not revealed.)

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How we met: ‘My sister suggested I try going on the radio to find a date’

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Toni, 68, and Ron, 62, met after he went on a singles show in the 1980s – and she made a bet with a friend. They now live together in St Louis

In 1986, Toni was working as a clinical laboratory director in St Louis, Missouri. “I was single at the time and keen to meet someone,” she says. One Friday night, she and a friend were listening to the area’s flagship radio station KMOX, which hosted a show called Dateline. “The idea was that single people called in, shared a bit about themselves, and listeners could contact the radio station for their details afterwards,” says Toni. She made a bet with her friend that she would call one of the men from the show. “At the time, it wasn’t the thing to do,” she laughs. “Internet dating didn’t exist back then and a lot of strange people would call into that show. But we thought it would be a funny story to tell if I gave it a go.”

She had vetoed lots of callers before Ron came on the show at the end of the night. He had recently moved from North Carolina to a nearby town to work for a medical technology company, and was keen to meet new people. “My sister suggested I try going on the radio to find a date,” he says. “Now I’m used to public speaking, but at the time I was very scared. [The station] gave you guidelines on how to introduce yourself and I was on air for about a minute.”

Want to share your story? Tell us a little about yourself, your partner and how you got together by filling in the form here.

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‘Wisdom and incredible strength’: the exhibition showing the lives built by Holocaust survivors

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A new collection of photographs reveals the lives survivors have built and the legacies they have passed down the generations

The film and photographic images that emerged from the Holocaust, often in a blurrily dark monochrome, instantly became the visual definition of evil in the 20th century. So to set this brutal iconography against the cheerily crisp colours of modern English suburban homes in springtime – complete with armchairs, French doors on to patios, bright tulips in pots – might risk accusations of superficiality, or worse.

But when the people in these apparently mundane locations are themselves survivors of the Holocaust, the sheer joyful fact of their existence becomes a triumphant rejoinder to the unimaginable cruelty and depravity of three-quarters of a century ago. The new images are collected together in Generations: Portraits of Holocaust Survivors, which opens later this week to coincide with world Holocaust day, at the Royal Photographic Society (RPS) gallery in Bristol after a showing at the Imperial War Museum in London.

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French fashion designer Thierry Mugler dies aged 73

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Mugler’s daring collections came to define 1980s power dressing, while he later dressed Beyoncé and Lady Gaga

French designer Manfred Thierry Mugler, known for the powerful-shouldered, cinch-waisted silhouettes that reigned over fashion in the 1980s, died on Sunday at the age of 73 of “natural causes”, according to his agent.

A former ballet dancer, Mugler’s bold collections – presented at highly stylised, themed runway shows – were at the forefront of the structured, decadent style that came to be known as “power dressing”.

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Hedonism is overrated – to make the best of life there must be pain, says this Yale professor

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The most satisfying lives are those which involve challenge, fear and struggle, says psychologist Paul Bloom

The simplest theory of human nature is hedonism– – we pursue pleasure and comfort. Suffering and pain are, by their very nature, to be avoided. The spirit of this view is nicely captured in The Epic of Gilgamesh: “Let your belly be full, enjoy yourself always by day and by night! Make merry each day, dance and play day and night… For such is the destiny of men.” And also by the Canadian rock band Trooper: “We’re here for a good time / Not a long time / So have a good time / The sun can’t shine every day.”

Hedonists wouldn’t deny that life is full of voluntary suffering – we wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, take the 8.15 into the city, undergo painful medical procedures. But for the hedonist, these unpleasant acts are seen as the costs that must be paid to obtain greater pleasures in the future. Challenging and difficult work is the ticket to survival and status; boring exercise and unpleasant diets are what you have to go through for abs of steel and a vibrant old age, and so on.

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From MLK to Silicon Valley, how the world fell for ‘father of mindfulness’

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The Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who has died at 95, gave his movement a global reach and influence

Before he got sick, Thich Nhat Hanh urged his followers not to put his ashes in a vase, lock him inside and “limit who I am”. Instead, the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, poet and peace activist apparently told them: “If I am anywhere, it is in your mindful breathing and in your peaceful steps.”

And after the 95-year-old’s death on Saturday, the breadth of the legacy of his extraordinary life was laid bare as news of his death reverberated around the world, drawing tributes from leading figures from across psychology, religion and social justice.

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Darling buds: how best friends keep us healthy and happy

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Strong social networks have been shown to improve wellbeing, but what are the extra perks of having a really close friend? And why are women more likely to have one?

“We met when we were five. I don’t know how I would have managed without her.” As children, Barbara Kastelein, from Ashford in Kent, and her best friend, nicknamed “Tulip”, both had alcoholic fathers. Their friendship was an escape from unhappy homes.

The best friends are now both 55 and their relationship is as solid as ever. Barbara says they are more like sisters – and still there for each other during tough times. When Barbara’s father died, Tulip drove for hours to be at the funeral and to help Barbara empty her father’s flat. “I can’t imagine life without her,” says Barbara. “She is my guardian angel.”

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Sir Mo Farah: ‘I would have loved to play for Arsenal’

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The athlete, 38, talks about winning the Olympics in London, jogging down the Thames, his strict training regime and how often he shaves his head

I don’t have many memories of growing up in Somalia – I was so young. I remember coming to the UK, age eight, going to school – even though I couldn’t speak any English – and suddenly having all these friends to play with.

I owe a lot to my PE teacher, Mr Watkinson. He saw me running around the playground, he watched me run in a figure of eight around the gym. Then he thought: “That kid is good at running.” He encouraged me to join a local running club. We’re still in touch.

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Stranded dog saved from rising tide after rescuers attach sausage to drone

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Team in Hampshire ties sausage to drone as ‘last resort’ to rescue Millie the jack russell from mudflats

As the tide rose, it began to look perilous for Millie the jack russell-whippet cross, who had defied the efforts of police, firefighters and coastguards to pluck her from treacherous mudflats.

So the rescuers had to think imaginatively, and came up with the idea of attaching a sausage to a drone and hoping the scent of the treat would tempt Millie to safety. It worked gloriously and Millie has been reunited with her grateful owner after following the dangling sausage to higher, safer ground.

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Memories of office life: at 20 and blind, my workmates pranked me mercilessly – and I loved it

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The first time I worked in an office, I was the boss of a group of sceptical youngsters. They looked for my weak spots – then became my first full-sighted friends

My first experience of office life was daunting. You might expect one’s first experience of working in an office environment to be pretty gentle: making the tea, a bit of filing, running errands for the boss. Not a bit of it, in my case. Aged 20, with no experience of office life, I was the boss. And, just to add a little spice to the task, I was totally blind.

My job as a community service volunteer at Youth Action York was to persuade a sceptical group of teenagers to give a helping hand to local elderly or disabled people who were struggling – assisting them with their shopping, perhaps, or tidying up their garden. It felt like a challenge, and my teenage volunteers made sure it was.

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‘I read all 27,000 Marvel comics and had a great time. Here’s what I learnt’

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Did Dark Reign foresee Trump? Was Iron Man about US military might? Who was Unbeatable Squirrel Girl – and was her superpower really non-violent conflict resolution? Only one man knows …

This should not be too hard, I thought, as long as I stay disciplined. All I have to do is read 27,000 comic books, then write about them. I had just signed a contract to write All of the Marvels, a book about reading every superhero story Marvel has published since 1961 as one single gigantic narrative. The Marvel story is omnipresent – its characters are everywhere, in movies, on television, even gracing shampoo bottles and bags of salad – yet also unknowable. It purports to be one big story: any episode can refer to, and be compatible with, any earlier one. But not even the people telling the story have read the whole thing. That’s not how it was meant to be experienced.

I did not, however, read six decades of stories in order. That would have been unbearable – and it is one of the two mistakes Marvel-curious readers often make. It is a surefire route to boredom and frustration as the fun lies in following your whims. The other error is trying to cherrypick the greatest hits, the pivotal single issues. Taken in isolation, these are peaks without mountain ranges. Their dramatic power comes from their context.

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Memories of office life: as a temp, I was self-conscious and disillusioned – until John arrived

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I worried that I didn’t fit in and that my uninspiring admin role meant I couldn’t be creative. But my work pal made me feel part of the gang

The office was a strange and alienating terrain for me when I arrived in it at 23. I had dropped out of university years before, expecting something to happen to me that would focus my future and simultaneously bestow a great windfall. It hadn’t. But I was sick of being poor and I had a boyfriend I wanted to play house with. When a temporary admin contract at a medical institution in Dublin came up, I jumped at it.

Immediately, I felt overwhelmed, and self-conscious about my stupid little outfits – pastiches of what professional women wear, which I had cobbled together from Topshop sale racks and charity shops. I was prickly, wary of saying the wrong thing, unable to relax.

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Zimbabweans put their country on the map in the world of wine

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After rising to the top of a white-dominated industry, a new generation of Zimbabweans are bringing their talents home

Like many young Zimbabweans before and since, Tinashe Nyamudoka left the economic chaos of his country to find work and a better life for himself in neighbouring South Africa.

When he left in 2008, Nyamudoka had never tasted wine. Now, he ranks among southern Africa’s top sommeliers and has his own wine label with international sales.

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