‘The fakery is all part of the fun’: the hoax of the mirror selfie

An influencer has claimed that the popular social media pose is a form of visual trickery. But why would you bother, when it’s so easy to do by yourself? And does it matter if it’s fake or not?

Even if the phrase “mirror selfies” isn’t in your daily lexicon, you likely know what it means: a selfie which, rather than being taken directly – camera-phone to face – is taken using a mirror, giving you a photograph of your own reflection.

Last week the internet trope - a mainstay of influencers such a Kendall Jenner, recognisable for the placement of a phone in front of the face - became freshly controversial.

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Spread the love! 10 scrumptious Marmite recipes, from roast potatoes to spaghetti

The divisive paste has emerged as an ingredient in its own right, lending a warm, umami flavour to all manner of dishes. Here are a few to try

Last year, this newspaper said that “Marmite is having a massive foodie moment”, after noticing that the divisive yeast extract was increasingly featuring as an ingredient, rather than simply being smeared on toast.

Yes, Marmite has come into its own. As a sandwich filling, it remains polarising, but as an ingredient it is much more subtle, lending a warm, umami bite to all manner of dishes – as demonstrated by the 10 magnificent recipes below.

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How we met: ‘My sister and my dad were freaked out when I said I was getting married’

Benjamin and Blanca, 41 and 40, hit it off after their first meeting, but didn’t meet up again for another year. They are now married and live in LA

Benjamin Speed was on holiday in Los Angeles when his friend suggested he meet Blanca Lista, a film producer. “I am a composer working in the film and TV industry, and he thought we’d have common interests,” Benjamin remembers. Blanca set aside some time one afternoon for the meeting. “I noticed he was handsome and radiated confidence, which was very attractive.” Benjamin instantly fell for her and asked her out via email, but she turned him down. “I thought he was just passing through town and I had my mum staying at the time,” she says. Benjamin says he returned home to Australia feeling “really sad”.

A year later, in September 2012, Blanca was offered the chance to visit Australia for work. She visited four states over the course of her month-long trip, ending in New South Wales. Once there, she visited Sydney, where Benjamin was living. “Our old mutual friend recommended getting in touch again, so I wrote to him.” He was delighted to hear from Blanca and took her to his favourite restaurant in Chinatown. Blanca had been due to leave the following day, but before their meeting she extended her trip another 24 hours. “I think I already knew I would want more time with him.”

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‘Wife No 5 is the last’: Back to the Future’s Christopher Lloyd on love and life

In 1984, Lloyd was playing a Klingon in Star Trek; today he’s William Shatner’s friend in the romcom Senior Moment. Soon, he will be King Lear. Is there a logic to his apparently chaotic career?

It seems appropriate for a man whose most famous role had him struggling with the nature of time that Christopher Lloyd arrives for our interview half an hour late and somewhat flustered. He had been under the impression it was happening the next day. Back to the Future indeed. But Lloyd soon gathers himself, flashing Doc Brown’s trademark wicked grin.

Sadly, the problems don’t stop there – Zoom is playing havoc with his hearing aid, so we have to rely on the skill and patience of his wife, Lisa, to pass on all questions. Which brings us neatly to the reason for our chat – his new film, Senior Moment, in which he stars with Jean Smart and William Shatner, who play a pair of older star-crossed lovers in this decidedly old-school romcom. “I enjoy playing characters of the age that I have now,” says Lloyd, 82. “I mean, they’re just as interesting as younger characters.” Indeed, Lloyd has been playing them for some time – it’s hard to believe he was only 47 when he starred in Back to the Future. “I haven’t been cast as an elderly lover yet, though,” he laughs. Instead, he’s playing Shatner’s best friend.

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Inside Vogue, where women have the top jobs but men still rule

A new account of life at the fashion bible claims that female staff have been undermined and humiliated for decades. The author reveals why she wrote it

As a fashion-obsessed teenager, I dreamed of working for Vogue. What girl didn’t? This was in the 2000s, and smartphones weren’t everywhere yet, so we’d leaf through the latest copy hungrily at the back of the class. I loved the pictures, the clothes, even the adverts. But most of all I loved the masthead and the index. Who were these glamorous humans with lovely-sounding names and exotic job titles?

Mostly, of course, they were women. That’s the thing about a place like Vogue. It’s a huge global corporation with a lot of soft power, yet unlike most such companies, it has always had women at the top. But not right at the top.

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After Covid, will we ever shake hands again?

The handshake will be back, says Ella Al-Shamahi – we’ve been doing it for 7m years and it’s part of our DNA

The handshake has a serious PR problem. For a long time the go-to, multipurpose, international greeting, it was abruptly banished in March 2020 as the Covid-19 pandemic swept the world. But has it gone for ever? Is it consigned to history? Have we been shocked into seeing what we should have realised all along: that it is sheer recklessness to indiscriminately touch other people’s dirty paws? The White House Covid-19 taskforce member and immunologist-turned-American hero Dr Anthony Fauci certainly thought so last year when he proclaimed, “I don’t think we should ever shake hands ever again, to be honest with you.”

If the handshake is indeed undergoing an extinction event, then who better than a palaeoanthropologist, someone who studies human evolution, to speak at the wake? Except that, as a palaeoanthropologist, I’m refusing to write its obituary. Drawing on multiple lines of evidence, I have come to the conclusion that the handshake is, in fact, the owner of a rich, fascinating story, hiding in plain sight. I think the handshake isn’t just cultural: it’s biological, it’s programmed into our DNA.

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My dad’s girlfriend is horrible to me, and he never puts me first | Dear Mariella

The adults in your life are letting you down, says Mariella Frostrup. At your age it’s premature, but you need to learn not to rely on them

The dilemma My dad and his girlfriend have been together more than five years – during all of my teens. She started off a nice person and I would see Dad most weekends. But after the honeymoon phase, she put off talking to me and practically ignores me (Dad has even “told her off” about this). She has also done minor things like deface some of my stuff. Last year I broke down to him about it – then he told her and she gaslighted me. I said I wanted him to put his children first for once. He agreed, but hasn’t done anything about the situation and I feel so depressed about it to the point where I keep breaking down about it. My grandma said I should stop being harsh against her because if I push her away, I’ll push Dad away, too (Grandma knows what she has done). I just want someone to take my feelings into account and to do something. I have done what I’ve been advised and explained everything to Dad, but he doesn’t act. I feel like I’m being put last, even though I’m his child.

Mariella replies This is so sad and really unfair. It’s little wonder you’ve been feeling down about it. No child should be made to feel that they need to pander to a parent’s partner in order to be allowed to see them, or be forced to negotiate with a third party for access. The absolute baseline as soon as you’re involved with someone with children is that you don’t get in the way of the relationship they have with their offspring. She has clearly and flagrantly ignored that.

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Madhur Jaffrey’s Indian Cookery was a guide to another world

The actor-turned-cookery writer saved us from terrible British versions of curry and taught us how to roast and grind spices

In 1982 the food writer and novelist Sue Lawrence was in the depths of early motherhood. “But on Monday nights at 7pm the baby could cry all it wanted,” she says. “I had an appointment with the TV. Everybody stopped for it.” The programme which brought a slab of Britain to the sofa was Indian Cookery, presented by the actor turned food writer Madhur Jaffrey. “The show was a revelation,” Lawrence says. “She just demystified everything. We all rushed out to buy the accompanying book.”

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Prince Harry writes foreword to book for children who have lost parents to Covid

Duke writes about his mother’s death in book for bereaved children as part of National Day of Reflection

The Duke of Sussex has reflected on the pain of his mother’s death in a foreword to a book for children of health workers who have died in the coronavirus pandemic.

Prince Harry wrote that the death of Diana, Princess of Wales in 1997 when he was 12 had left “a huge hole inside of me” but that it was eventually filled with “love and support”, according to the Times.

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From keep fit to sex: how Guardian readers have boosted their mood during the pandemic

Everyone needs a release from the stresses of lockdown life. Readers share the ideas that work for them

We bought some solar-powered garden fairy lights and set them up on our garden shed. We can see them when we are having dinner or letting the dog into the garden. It means that, during the day, we have the fun of the flowers and, at night, twinkling lights. They remind me of the stars, another mood-lifter – stargazing puts everything in perspective. Nicholas Vince, actor and YouTuber, London

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How can I stop obsessing about my fiance’s ex-girlfriend?

You need to look at how you were made to feel as a child, says Annalisa Barbieri. Was the love conditional?

My fiance and I have been together for 18 months, but we haven’t seen each other for almost a year due to Covid restrictions. He had a four-year relationship before, with a girl he claimed he didn’t like that much, saying they always argued. At the beginning, I was totally fine with this, as everyone has a past. However, things started to change after I saw some pictures of them together and over the past few months I have started asking him all kinds of questions, such as, “Did you go to that place with her?” and, “Did you try this sex position with her?” If he says no, I’m OK, but if the answer is yes, I normally end up crying and blaming him. I know it’s not healthy, but I always bring it up in our daily call. It has become an obsession. No matter what we are discussing, I can always bring it back to his past. If he gets impatient, I get more angry.

I can feel this is affecting our relationship and I want it to stop, but I don’t know how. We can’t create new memories right now. Can this issue be solved only once we can meet up again, or is there a way to fix it before then?

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Who hasn’t eaten chocolate spread straight out of the jar, and mistaken it for love? | Grace Dent

‘Although the pandemic has been cruel and frightening in a thousand ways, one tiny, shining light of joy is how it has permitted us time off from trying to be better’

It’s your final chance to see me in this shoddy state: there are going to be some changes. A sleeker, brighter, better, post-pandemic me is coming out of lockdown. Yes, “data not dates”, our prime minister did warn us, but regardless, the date I’m focusing on is 12 April, the earliest outdoor dining can begin again – and the data I see whenever I step near the scales can be extrapolated thus: “Reduce refined carbohydrate now. No more comté and Heinz sandwich spread toasties with a Frazzle garnish in bed. The new world is beginning.”

This will, I fear, feature the need to wear button-up pants and to have fewer boobs on my back than on my front. If the sharp increase in forlorn, beginner-level joggers and power-walkers down at my local park is any indication, I’m not alone in this panic. One of my closest friends, also in his 40s, embarked on a strict Atkins plan as soon as the road map dates were unveiled. Or, more accurately, as soon as he realised that even his smart, lace-up shoes no longer fitted. “How … how have I gained weight on my toes?!”

Some of us are intensely relaxed about the extra Covid kilos; indeed, they’ve embraced their jiggle, wobble and wattle with aplomb. By God, I wish I were one of them. Body positivity, I have argued before in this newspaper, is almost always a Generation Z and millennial notion. Then there are people such as myself, Generation X, who find photos of 55-year-old Liz Hurley in a size-6 bikini deeply triggering. We knew the calorific value of a Ryvita and a tablespoon of cottage cheese by the age of 12, and have a slightly-too-snug formal outfit hanging eternally on our bedroom door with a deadline to drop five kilos via restriction and star jumps.

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Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room 

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina. Jane started laughing, explaining she had bought one to see what the fuss was about. I won the quiz, and the candle was my prize; Jane sent it to me the next day. The candle, made of soy wax and essential oils, is apparently so named because Paltrow was joking with Goop’s perfumer, Douglas Little. According to the marketing blurb: “The two were working on a fragrance, and she blurted out, ‘Uhhh… this smells like a vagina.’”

A few weeks later, I decided to light it. I live in a tiny one-bed flat in London with my partner, David, and our two cats. I love scented candles and throughout the latest lockdown, their warming flame and fragrance have given me a little joy in the evenings.

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‘It’s wild!’ Carey Mulligan and Emerald Fennell on making Oscars history

Promising Young Woman’s five nods include the first for a female British director. Its star and writer-director discuss telling women’s stories, tackling difficult subjects – and feeling shellshocked

Promising Young Woman is audacious from the off. A genre-bending revenge thriller, it ricochets between romcom and horror to radical and unsettling effect. Carey Mulligan plays Cassie, a medical school drop-out traumatised by the assault of her best friend. By day, she works in a coffee shop; by night, she fakes blackout drunkenness in bars. If “nice guys” take advantage, Cassie snaps open her sober eyes to teach them a lesson.

The film made history this week, landing five Oscars nominations: picture, editing and actress (Mulligan’s second run at the award), as well as original screenplay and director for Emerald Fennell. With her debut feature, Fennell has become the first British woman to be nominated for the director prize. This is the first year in which two women (Fennell and Nomadland’s Chloe Zhou) are in the running; they are only the sixth and seventh women to be shortlisted.

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Monkeys and eggplants: how do men and women use emojis differently?

Studies have pointed to a gender gap and dating coaches agree – but researchers’ findings don’t always match stereotypes

It’s 2021, and despite some great advances in space exploration, we are no closer to really knowing whether men are from Mars and women are from Venus. In fact, the growing consensus is that we’re all from Earth, and people are more complex than we usually give them credit for.

But what if there were a way of unlocking some of the hidden trends that exist among men and women, which reveal how they think, see themselves and communicate? And what if it were ... emojis?

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‘The time for men to step up is right now!’: what all men can do to help end violence against women

Over the past week, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. Is it time for men to join the fight to dismantle the culture that allows this violence to flourish? A panel of male experts on masculinity and violence against women explain the vital steps men can take

In the wake of the killing of Sarah Everard, and the wider concerns about gender-based violence, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. And the myriad ways they have tried to protect themselves from this. Men have, for the most part, listened. Now – given that violence against women and girls is primarily a male-perpetrated crime – is it time more men actively joined the fight against it? The Guardian convened a round table of experts to ask what men can do to help effect change among their friends and family, and in their workplaces.

Luke Hart of CoCo Awareness. In 2017, Hart’s father murdered his wife, Claire, and their daughter, Charlotte. Days earlier, Claire and Charlotte had left the family home after a lifetime of coercive control and abuse. Luke and his brother Ryan are now anti-abuse activists: This week, and Everard’s death, really took me back to what happened to my family. I feel deeply sorry for Everard’s family; it’s hard when things take on a life of their own and you just want to grieve. Events become something that other people feel they have ownership of. I remember, after my mother and sister died, some of the media reporting made me and my brother angry, to the point where we had to shut ourselves away. I remember one report saying that what my dad did was “understandable”. We started to despair. So I think this has to be a moment to remember Everard’s family because it’s so difficult when something you’re going through becomes public property.

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How we met: ‘My twin sister joked she wished she’d kept him for herself’

Amy and Richard Caterina, 56 and 60, met at a party in 1987. They became a couple a few months later, after a case of mistaken identity, and now live in Del Mar, California

Amy Scease was living in Boston, Massachusetts, with her identical twin, Becky, in 1987. “That winter, she invited me to a party in this old loft,” she remembers. When they arrived, Amy spotted a good-looking man in a brown leather jacket. He introduced himself as Richard, and the pair hit it off. “We went out to the roof to talk all night because it was noisy,” he says. She discovered he was from San Diego and they both worked in banks. “There are so many jerks out there. When you meet someone nice you want to see them again,” she says. But as the party drew to a close, one of Becky’s friends threw his arm around Amy, and Richard made the assumption they were a couple.

Thinking nothing would happen between them, he left. “When I told my sister I didn’t have his number, she said I was an idiot,” Amy says. “I ran outside to find him, but he had disappeared.” The next week she tried calling the bank he worked at, but with so many Richards working there it was impossible to find him. “I thought that was that,” she says.

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Nervous about socialising again? Here’s how to handle the end of lockdown

After a year of Zoom calls and social distancing, we will soon be able to start mingling with friends and work colleagues again. Experts reveal what to do if the very idea brings you out in a cold sweat

If the limit of your conversational prowess this past year has been to grunt through Zoom meetings, discuss dinner plans with your flatmate, nag your children or make passive-aggressive comments to the cat, you may feel out of practice now that large gatherings look tantalisingly within reach. Perhaps you’ve quite enjoyed this period of government-mandated introversion, and dread the idea that you may be expected to socialise. Either way, if all goes according to plan, this era of social distancing may be starting to close. For those feeling a little daunted, here’s how to ease yourself back in.

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Going through the motions: the rise and rise of stool-gazing

Locked down and worrying about our wellbeing, more and more of us have been looking for clues in what we leave in the toilet. Are we wasting our time?

I was minding my own business on a lockdown walk when I saw the advert on the side of a bus shelter. It featured seven shiny pink shapes. Were those sex toys, I wondered, interspersed with puddles of Angel Delight? Only when I read the captions (“The smooth criminal, the smashed avo, the poonami; London, how do you poo?”) did I realise what I was looking at.

These, it turned out, were visual metaphors for assorted types of stool. And of course, in the Instagram era, they were millennial pink. Literally polished turds, they were part of a campaign by The Gut Stuff, a startup that has the strapline: “Empowering gut health in everyone”.

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Readers reply: is the world getting smellier?

The long-running series in which readers answer other readers’ questions on subjects ranging from trivial flights of fancy to profound scientific and philosophical concepts

When you spray perfume, there’s a smell, but then it dissipates. But surely if everyone is spraying perfume, and making other smells, the world must be accumulating smells. Does the world in general have an odour? And is it getting more potent?
Jade Bulteel, Shropshire

Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com.

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