Category Archives: Life and style

It’s time to embrace the darkness: how I got over my dread of winter

Posted on by

Last winter’s gloom almost broke me, so here’s what I’ve learned about changing my mindset and embracing the long, cold, dark months


It’s only now, when we have some distance from it, that we can reckon with last winter: five months of gloom, seclusion and burnout in which almost the entire country felt miserable. Against a background of a rising death toll, exhausted health workers and gross governmental incompetence – not to mention a cancelled Christmas – we were tasked with a third go at making the most of a bad situation.

I remember the moment it really got to me. It was New Year’s Eve. I’d just had a terrible and prolonged breakup, and a few days earlier had moved out of the London flat I had shared with my ex for five years. House-sitting, alone, was not the kind of New Year bash I’d envisioned, but at least I could take some solace in the thought that no one else was having much fun.

Continue reading...

You be the judge: should my boyfriend get over his phobia of seafood?

Posted on by

We air both sides of a domestic disagreement – and ask you to deliver a verdict
Fall out over housework? Can’t decide where to spend Christmas? If you have a disagreement you’d like settled, or want to be part of our jury, click here

Jay hates fish because of a distressing childhood experience, but it means I can’t have it either

Continue reading...

The inner lives of dogs: what our canine friends really think about love, lust and laughter

Posted on by

They make brilliant companions, but do dogs really feel empathy for humans - and what is going through their minds when they play, panic or attack?

Read more: the inner lives of cats: what our feline friends really think

It is humanity’s great frustration, to gaze into the eyes of a dog, feel so very close to the creature, and yet have no clue what it’s thinking. It’s like the first question you ask of a recently born baby, with all that aching, loving urgency: is that a first smile? Or yet more wind? Except that it’s like that for ever.

I can never know what my staffie is thinking. Does Romeo realise that what he just did was funny, and did he do it on purpose? Is he laughing on the inside? Can he smile? Can he feel anxious about the future? Can he remember life as a puppy? Does he still get the horn, even though I had his knackers off some years ago? And, greater than all these things: does he love me? I mean, really love me, the way I love him?

Continue reading...

Mobile phone apps make it almost impossible to get lost these days. And that isn’t good for us | Adrian Chiles

Posted on by

In an era of mobile phones, we rarely lose our way - which means we miss out on the joy and relief of finding it again

A travel company called Black Tomato, in return for a significant sum of money, will drop you in the middle of you know not where, and leave you there. The product is called Get Lost and is surely more evidence that we’ve, well, lost our way.

Which isn’t to say that it’s a daft idea. As a matter of fact, it quite appeals to me. I’m used to feeling psychologically lost – that wouldn’t be much of a holiday – but I’m very rarely physically, geographically lost. And annoying, and even frightening, as it can be, I miss this sensation. I believe it is good for the soul. “Oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go,” is a line in a Beatles song. How about: “Oh, that magic feeling, where the bloody hell am I?”

Continue reading...

The inner lives of cats: what our feline friends really think about hugs, happiness and humans

Posted on by

They do what they want, all the time – and can teach us a lot about how to live in the present, be content and learn from our experience

I wanted to know the exact amount of time I spend ruminating on the inner lives of my cats, so I did what most people do in times of doubt, and consulted Google. According to my search history, in the two years since I became a cat owner I have Googled variations of “cat love me – how do I tell?” and “is my cat happy 17 times. I have also inadvertently subscribed to cat-related updates from the knowledge website Quora, which emails me a daily digest. (Sample: Can Cats Be Angry or Disappointed With Their Owner?)

How do I love my cats? Let me count the ways. The clean snap of three-year-old Larry’s jaw as he contemplates me with detached curiosity is my favourite sound in the world. I love the tenor and cadence of my six-month-old kitten Kedi’s miaows as he follows me around the house. (High-pitched indignant squeaks means he wants food; lower-pitched chirrups suggest he would like to play.) I love the weight of Larry on my feet at night and the scratchy caress of Kedi’s tongue on my eyelid in the morning.

Continue reading...

What is the best Christmas party food? | Kitchen aide

Posted on by

Cheese and chocolate are your friends, but keep them bite-sized. Top chefs share their favourite nibbles …

• Got a culinary dilemma? Email feast@theguardian.com

What makes the best party snacks?
Rachel, Hove

“Anything that can be eaten cleanly in a mouthful is ideal,” says Guardian food columnist Ravinder Bhogal. “Anything too big, messy or that requires lots of chewing should be avoided – there’s nothing worse than those awkward, mouth-full moments when someone suddenly strikes up a conversation.”

Continue reading...

Fromage fictions: the 14 biggest cheese myths – debunked!

Posted on by

Received wisdom says older cheese is better, you should pair it with red wine and wrap any leftovers in clingfilm. Here is what the experts say

‘I hate to dictate to people. I don’t like too many rules,” says Iain Mellis, a cheesemonger of 40 years, with cheese shops bearing his name scattered across Scotland. Mellis has spent his life trying to make artisan cheese more accessible; the last thing he wants is to be so prescriptive that people are put off.

Yet the world of good cheese is already mired in misunderstandings that, at best, detract from its enjoyment and, at worst, result in its ruination. Cheese stored incorrectly is easily marred, while the mistaken beliefs that you need red wine, specialist knives or even a cheeseboard to enjoy it only reinforce cheese’s recherché reputation.

Continue reading...

Emma Beddington tries … being a mermaid: ‘I’m more beached seal than beguiling siren’

Posted on by

Being a beautiful watery creature is a challenge if you have no technique or breath control – and can’t hear a word beneath your floral swimming cap

I am too old for Disney’s Little Mermaid. My sister was the right age, but our right-on 80s household was a princess-free zone (though The Little Mermaid is arguably one of the more subversive films in the canon, with its exploration of identity and conformity and nods to drag culture). I have, however, gleaned that the transformation from mermaid to human is a risky business; I believe a crab says so.

But what about the reverse? Because today, I, a human, am becoming a mermaid, thanks to Donna Rumney of Mermaids at Jesmond Pool, in Newcastle upon Tyne. Donna is booked out with children’s mermaid parties but adult sessions are popular, too: everyone wants to be a mermaid now. There are mermaid pageants and conventions; people pay thousands of pounds for custom-made silicone tails. Something about that in-between state, the grace and fluidity, appeals when life on land feels so hidebound and joyless. I love the idea of achieving a state of otherworldly aquatic grace; what could possibly go wrong?

Continue reading...

Catch them if you can? Meet the exotic pet detectives

Posted on by

Skunks, iguanas, terrapins, big cats… Britain has more invasive and exotic animals than you imagine. Meet the search and rescue enthusiasts dedicated to capturing them and keeping them safe

Sometime in 2016, Chris Mullins received a message about a missing skunk. Mullins, 70, who lives in Leicestershire, had founded a Facebook group, Beastwatch UK, in 2001 as a place to document exotic animal sightings in the British countryside, so it was natural for news of this sort to trickle his way. In that time there had been a piranha in the Thames and a chinchilla in a post box, so a skunk on the loose in a local village seemed a relatively manageable misadventure. He loaded up some traps and headed to Barrow upon Soar to see if he could help locate the wayward creature.

Mullins, who has a white beard, smiling eyes and maintains a steady, gentle rhythm when he speaks, had always nurtured a passion for wildlife – chasing it down, catching it. The interest took hold amid a challenging childhood. Aged five, Mullins was victim of a hit and run that left him with amnesia and he spent two years in hospital before his parents sent him to a special school to catch up with his education.

Continue reading...

Sunday with Claudia Schiffer: ‘Wine, cheese and a game of cards is my winter favourite’

Posted on by

The model and actor cooks apple pancakes or else pasta bolognese, stares at the clouds, walks the dogs, enjoys a calm family day

What does Sunday feel like? Calmness. I wake up naturally, no alarm. Monday to Friday, I’m up at 7am to make breakfast and do the school run. We live in the English countryside: rolling hills, fields, farmland. I love being surrounded by nature. Even when it’s raining I just watch the clouds.

Do you cook? We normally have a long brunch with local produce – I like making my mother’s apple pancakes. That and pasta bolognese are about the only things I can cook. Drinking is seasonal: summer is perfect for a rosé; red wine, cheese and a game of cards is my absolute favourite winter afternoon.

Continue reading...

We’re in our 70s and he’s perfect – except he doesn’t want sex…

Posted on by

A compatible friend needs treasuring. You might need to look elsewhere for sex

The question I met Tom online. We have now been dating for nearly two years, sometimes on Zoom as we live three hours away from each other. This is long-term relationship potential – except, from my side, for one thing.

I am a deeply sexually alive person. Sex is an immense joy to me. Not only the explicit physical acts of it, but also the sharing, the play, all the openness and openheartedness. Tom is divorced and I suspect has not had much sexual experience. I think he is sexually repressed. I have always been open with him about wanting our relationship to become fully sexual. It never has been.

Continue reading...

Are you dreaming of a booze-free Christmas? Join the (soda) club

Posted on by

The market in no- and low-alcohol drinks is booming in the UK as more people swap the festive hangover for mindful drinking

The concept of a Christmas without champagne, wine or whisky is counterintuitive to many. But this festive season, growing numbers of Britons are eschewing alcohol and gearing up for a teetotal – or at least partially so – celebration, according to retailers.

Sales in the no- and low-alcohol category, also known as “NoLo”, are expected to grow by 17% in the UK this year, reports IWSR Drinks Market Analysis, and will hit almost 19 million cases and a value of $741m (£558m). Meanwhile, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose and Tesco all report that sales of NoLo drinks have seen huge rises year on year, a trend they expect to continue in the run-up to Christmas, amid a rise in “mindful drinking”.

Continue reading...

‘I dread Christmas. My husband won’t get jabbed’: The families split over Covid vaccines as they plan holiday gatherings

Posted on by

We talk to three people faced with moral crises over reconciling family festivities with the risks posed by coronavirus

Christmas is meant to be a time filled with joy, but for many families it can underline divisions between parents, children or siblings and bring unresolved tensions to the surface. This year adds a particular issue to that dynamic – whether or not individual family members are vaccinated.

Continue reading...

Louis Theroux: ‘I’ve always found anxiety in the most unlikely places’

Posted on by

The broadcaster, 51, talks about his first memories, last meal, lockdown resets and his brainier older brother

I always felt like the second fiddle to my older brother Marcel, who I thought was impossibly brilliant and mature and seemed to be reading more or less from the womb, although I’m two years younger, so I wouldn’t have known that first-hand. I was the sideshow: the funny one, the ridiculous one my grandparents said was “good with my hands”, which at five or six I embraced. It was only as I got older I realised it meant, “might not want to stay in school past 14 or 15”.

From childhood I’ve always found anxiety in the most unlikely places. Aged six I remember watching maypole dancers skipping around and braiding these ribbons into beautiful patterns at my south London primary school and even though I was still in the infants and wouldn’t be doing it for years, I thought, “I’m never going to be able to fucking dance around a maypole.” All through my life I’ve tended to experience future events in a negative way. It’s always been a source of looming discomfiture.

Continue reading...

I was told the 12 steps would cure my addiction. Why did I end up feeling more broken?

Posted on by

In this quasi-religious programme, ‘working the steps’ is the remedy for any problem, but for me the cracks soon started to show

Eight of us sat together in a circle in a wooden shed, an outbuilding at a large country house, somewhere in the south of England. The door was ajar, and spring light flooded the room. “Can anyone name any treatment methods for addiction, other than the 12 steps?” asked a counsellor.

“Cognitive behavioural therapy?” offered a patient.

Continue reading...

Abuse, intimidation, death threats: the vicious backlash facing former vegans

Posted on by

Going vegan has never been more popular – but some people who try it and then decide to reintroduce animal products face shocking treatment

In 2015, Freya Robinson decided to go vegan. For more than a year, the 28-year-old from East Sussex did not consume a single animal product. Then, in 2016, on a family holiday in Bulgaria, she passed a steak restaurant and something inside her switched. “I walked in and ordered the biggest steak I could have and completely inhaled it,” she says. After finishing it, she ordered another.

For the previous year, Robinson had been suffering from various health problems – low energy levels, brain fog, painful periods and dull skin – which she now believes were the result of her diet. She says her decline was gradual and almost went unnoticed. “Because it’s not an instant depletion, you don’t suddenly feel bad the next day, it’s months down the line. It’s very, very slow.” In just over a year, the balanced plant-based food she cooked daily from scratch, using organic vegetables from the farm she works on, and legumes and nuts vital for protein, had, she felt, taken a toll on her body.

Continue reading...

Experience: I was attacked by a dog while climbing a volcano

Posted on by

He came back and sunk his teeth in again. The pain took my breath away as I felt his fangs in my flesh

I was backpacking in Panama over Christmas in 2018, and planned to climb Volcán Barú. At 3,474m, it is the highest peak in the country and one of the only places on earth from where you can see the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans at the same time. It is an active volcano, but last erupted around 1550.

I set off before sunrise. It was a little chilly, so I had pulled on tights under my trekking trousers. I intended to reach the top by midday, then return before dark to get a lift to my hostel.

Continue reading...

From utopian dreams to Soho sleaze: the naked history of British nudism

Posted on by

A new book details how nudism began as a movement of intellectuals, feminists and artists, only to be suppressed by the state. But our attitudes to nakedness also tell us a lot about ourselves

When Annebella Pollen was 17, she left behind her strict Catholic upbringing for the life of a new-age hippy, living in a caravan and frolicking naked among the standing stones of Devon, while earning a living by modelling for life-drawing classes. That early experience, followed by a relationship with a bric-a-brac dealer, shaped her later life as an art historian. “I’m very interested in things that are culturally illegitimate,” says Pollen, who now teaches at the University of Brighton. “A lot of my research has been looking at objects that are despised.”

Foraging trips with her partner to car-boot sales alerted her to a rich seam of 20th-century nudist literature that is still emerging from the attics of middle England: magazines whose wholesome titles – Sun Bathing Review or Health & Efficiency – concealed a complex negotiation with both public morality and the British weather. This is the subject Pollen has picked for her latest book Nudism in a Cold Climate, which tracks the movement from the spartan 1920s through the titillating 50s, when the new mass media whipped up a frenzy of moral anxiety, to the countercultural 60s and 70s, when the founding members were dying off and it all began to look a bit frowsty.

Continue reading...